View from my window in the morning. Not mine any more.

The end of a chapter

A friend of mine, at the beginning of each year, prepares a resumé of all the good things, events and people, that happened around her in the previous year. She, then, sends it to her friends’ emails, and makes that time remembered by all.

I am not that good.

By the end of a year, and the beginning of the next one, I have many thoughts on my mind: where all my money went, how to arrange to see all the numerous family members, how to get enough sleep, and what to do with the booze left from the party. Well, this last one is not such a big deal.

However, I just found myself at the end of an era, rather then a year.

I’m moving away from my beautiful flat – to another one. From my country – to another one. Quitting my job, for another one. Actually, I am moving on from my previous life, to another one.

Don’t get me wrong. I have moved many times in my life. I lived in the flat I mentioned for no more then 3 years: moved in with my partner after we decided our love is worth it. That was a choice he had to make; he left his country back then. It was then that I realised that one of us needs to get mobile and forget about career, if we want to stay together. That one was me. His job takes him to different places and keeps him moving, while mine is not dependent on location. Well, it was, in part, but we got over it. Who needs an office when there is internet everywhere?

I once asked a friend, after he announced he’s getting married to a girl with whom he’s been for a short while: how did he make such an important decision so quickly? He replied:

“This was the easiest decision of my life!”

I feel I am in a similar situation. Making the decision was easy. Of course I don’t need a career — I need a way of earning money. Carrying it out will be the difficult part.

So many exciting things happened in that flat. The heaviest things to carry will be the memories.

I have moved many times, to different flats and different countries. But I always had a place to go back to. This time, I am moving on.

I realised that you become an adult once you have someone who is fully relying on you. A dog, a company, a child. Until then, your decisions and actions might influence other people, but it’s only when you have something depending on you, that you have reached that milestone in life. That’s the point when no decisions are right or wrong any more. They are the ones that have been made, and it could not have been otherwise. No more looking back, just moving forward.

Right now, in my mind, nothing is clear. I’m shutting emotions up in storage rooms, or dragging them behind like a burden. So many things need to get done, no time for daydreaming or being slow. No time for fear or worries either. No time for good or bad decisions. Just for decisions.

I’m closing this chapter and opening a new one.

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