Why Do I Write?
I wonder if a lot of people who know me from real life interactions may think I’m preaching when I write? I also wonder if people who only know me online may think I am too serious?
I want to explain my motives more clearly.
Why do I write? Why do I even try? Who am I writing for?
Some powerful questions to reflect upon, and not to lose sight of through the process.
I write because it is my dream. I write because I need practice and time to develop this craft. I write because time melts away and suddenly there are all these words. I write because when I re-read what spills out of me I sometimes see an insight that I need.
Why do I try? Because I care. Because I do not think I could live with myself in old age looking back and wondering what if? What if I just sat down and tried? What if I sucked, but still showed up until I developed some skills? Trying, and trying hard are often seen as a lack of talent — but truthfully that is how talent is built. The fear of attempting followed closely by the fear of criticism, hold many creative ideas dormant forever. Why would I not try?
Who am I writing for? It sounds selfish, but I write for myself mostly. I write to put in the work. I write so that I can get better, and so that I can see progress. In those ways, I am selfish with it. I write because it is my dream. I am selfishly pursuing this dream. Yet, I write what hurts me, what helps me, what I am learning, and what it is like as I chase my dreams. The content of what I write is meant to be useful beyond myself. The practice is for me. But, the principles, philosophy, and stories are meant to inspire others. I sit down to be selfish but leave to share insights and truth for the benefit of others.
What starts as a sole focus on my hand’s typing, and ideas flowing shifts to what can someone get out of it? Is this all about me, or am I using my life experiences and my thoughts to help beyond myself?
Maybe not all my work is fulfilling the greater purpose at all times, but that is the essence of why I am continuing to do this long term. It is about what I can give not what I can get. I will write for the next 10, 20, 30+ years. Not just to do it, but to grow my skills in helping others through the written word, and beyond.
It helps me too. Not just the discipline of sitting down and getting it done (which is TREMENDOUSLY beneficial for me). But, I honestly re-read what I write, often flabbergasted at the poignancy. I need to embody the words I write more. That is how it helps me. My higher-self flows through me and I find what I am reading compelling to maintain a better version of myself consistently.
Just because I write about self-improvement and personal development does not mean that I have “all the answers” or “have my shit together”. It just means I’m working on it and sharing it as it happens. Even in areas where I can write concisely and clearly communicate an idea, does not mean that I am the perfect embodiment of that at all times. I am a hugely flawed person. I am obsessed with growth, personal development, and self-actualization because I see so much I myself need to work on.
I refuse to just ignore the parts of myself that I think can be better, or the areas where I behave without virtue. I am working to improve. Writing helps me do this.
So I hope to all the people that know me. Know me in a face to face, eye contact, and tangible third dimension way, that you understand: I do not think I’m better than anyone, except who I used to be.
For those that only know me through my social media or content, I want you to understand a little more depth that I do not focus on sharing digitally. As serious and intense as I portray myself to be (both characteristics which I do embody frequently “in real life”) I also balance that out with complete silliness. I am a whimsical, eccentric, and complex dude. I do not operate from a level of constant inspirational behavior or solely focus on my goals 24/7. I am working towards more of that. But, at present and through the last 10 years I have struggled with vices, vanities, and venturing into the world that I want to make a difference in. I also have a sense of humor and make up the cheesiest “dad jokes”, puns and plays on words.
I probably need to display my “off brand” characteristics more in social media and my creative projects. Because it’s not actually off brand at all — it is actually slightly more authentic that my current digital narrative. I think the reason that I have tried to focus so much on inspirational content exclusively, is that there are plenty of people sharing silly things, or negative things out there. I work to be a loud beacon of the opposite side of the spectrum. Make positivity louder.
Hard work has always rewarded me. Since deciding to go after my dreams I have been on a magical excursion with plenty of peaks and valleys. I have slipped, fallen, and laughed along with the way. I will not stop growing and reaching for that next level. So that is the predominant focus of my life. Hence why I focus on sharing these aspects. But, I pledge to also show my eccentricities and humanize myself more.
Sometimes when I am diligently focused on work I like to think of myself as a machine. I take pride in it. Perform. Execute. Perform. Execute.
I remember coming to a realization, after burning myself out, that I verbalized to a friend:
“I’m a machine up until a certain point, and then I’m still human.”
I will show more of the flawed human that I am, as I work towards becoming the man I have the potential to be.
Thank you for reading!!
This is the 49th installment of Writing Wednesday.
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