Writing Wednesday 025: Defining Moments

What is a defining moment?

When the time comes to make a major decision. When the time comes to rise or to fall. Moments of magnitude. Real life drama. Success or failure, pain or pleasure. How will we define ourselves? How will I define myself? Will the moment speak for me, or will my voice command the attention of time?

Heavy questions, but that’s what #WritingWednesday is all about. 25 weeks in, no reason to avoid the flow from depths beyond me. I truly feel like the next 6 months are a defining era in my life. I believe that my decisions from this moment forward have a gravity that will determine the realization of my dreams. My past decisions and defining moments also do of course, but that’s all over. Right now. This second. Small things such as making sure to continue my habit of writing this piece. Learning and gaining the self-awareness required to know the power of habits and the drastic downslope should I let this slip. I can’t let myself succumb to distraction or submit in the fight for my dreams.

Each moment could bear the seal of a defining moment, yet most are not. Why? I believe because we seldom face the big and scary decisions that will really change us. We also seldom operate at the level of awareness that can shape our outcomes. The moments just pass and their sum is a definition that we didn’t direct. Why do people look for one defining moment in someone’s life when we tell their story? Because the big decisions get all the glory. How much better to allude to one pivotal moment that changed everything. Although this is quite often the case, there is some missing information in the narrative. The compounding of many small decisions and moments trending either positively or negatively. Minor defining moments that go unrecognized unless evaluated with deeper awareness. These trends lead to a major moment of decision, either to change course or to proceed forward with vigor.

Are the behaviors bearing fruit, or becoming folly? Defining moments are either a major change or a resolute unwillingness to waver. A new path or the gumption to grind onwards. The small moments add to our definition, but the major choices in key moments gain all the notoriety. Whether we give up, or give in to fear, weakness, and self-destruction — or resolve to remain riveted, and relinquish respite. Perish or proceed. When a defining moment arises which will we choose?

Personally, each situation may vary, but my decisions are trending upward so my plan is to persist. I must valiantly avoid the path of least resistance. I must create the definition of the man I dream of becoming. I cannot go back. Growth and contribution matter more than gentle certainty. Why must we want things to be easy? Why must we let ease and pleasure override our defining moments? In my past outcomes were driven my less than noble behaviors and patterns. Yet, in a series of defining moments (some chronicled within #WritingWednesday) I have chosen to change the trend. I defined what I wanted, and what I did not want. I demanded a new level of commitment, and courage. I picked my moments.

If we wait for a defining moment to befall us, we may loose the opportune. We may be playing too passively for what we really want. We may miss the chances to take the helm. Let us take any moment and know that we can decide to enact that instance of time as a demarcation point. From this point forward I am changing something. Or, from this day onward I am determined to make my dreams happen.

Looking back, these instances of taking the directive to act and change, or charge ahead can even become small on our life timeline as we gain momentum. Yet, they are nevertheless defining moments. Channeling the bravery to string together some important decisions can guide us to incredible places. Growing and evolving, as we take the directive to decide, will provide the choice of many defining moments. Can we trace our fortune back to one defining moment? Maybe. But, that overshadows the other efforts and makes it seem easier than it really it.

“Oh yeah, that one moment was the defining moment of my life..” Perhaps that is a good way to answer an interview question, but it is not the whole truth. One moment can indeed change our lives. Yet, the precursors to that one moment can’t be subverted. I strongly believe that we shape our lives, and are responsible for our happiness and fulfillment while we live and breathe. We should not think that one particular moment can govern our entire life. Good or bad, defining moments are plural not singular. They don’t happen once, and then you are set for life. The small stuff matters. The details of our destiny are in the diminutive decisions that lead us on a course to our destination. We do not fail once and let that define us, nor do we live in the shadow of one success. If we were to choose such a mindset, we would reach a significant point in time where overcoming that psychology (or failing to) would be what really defined us. Not the moment of tension or triumph. But, the moment where we chose to create a new meaning.

I encourage us to constantly re-define ourselves until we reach an interpretation that includes our full potential, and capabilities. If we have had moments that have defined us poorly, let us re-frame and learn. Let us choose to start again and change course, or plow forward with persistence. If we have achieved something noteworthy, let us enjoy and celebrate that feat, but resolve to continue growing. Are we going to be the person who “did that thing” or the person who’s always doing things? One work of art, one business, one career — whether they succeed or fail cannot remain our only definition. Unless we let it stay that way. Pick a moment and define it.