I don’t really know where it starts or how it ends. I have no idea how I can survive with this mentality after all of these shittiest things that are still ongoing. This is actually not what I want.
First of all, at the beginning of the year I heard the worst news, which was that my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. The doctor told us his cancer was stage 3 and curable, but still it would be questionable after surgery. Unfortunately, he drank for 5 days straight after 3 months of treatment. Indeed, it’s prohibited drinking at least one year after surgery. This is the reason why I am deeply hurt; how could he drink when he knows that his whole family is waiting for him to recover?
Secondly, Two month ago I broke up with my girlfriend after living together for a year. The reason why was that I couldn’t handle the situation. If something happen in our relationship, we couldn’t communicate well to each other. So its like creating a weird or awkward atmosphere. After that i got feeling like “I am not able to love her, and she couldn’t love me either”. These kind of confusing thoughts bring me breakdown. At this time, i didn’t have at least one little success in my life. My rate for myself is zero. There wasn’t any vibe left. I made my breakup decision before the month that we broke up. It wasn’t that easy to decide as a result. i learned a lot from her and always best wishes for her. Next time, I’ll be looking for someone who can light the fire in my soul.
Third, I’ve seen the worst thing in my life. My cat was murdered two weeks ago. Her name was Marci and my brother accidentally opened the window and slept. Obviously, the cat was standing up on the window and got out of the apartment. Marci didn’t go so far . She was just near the window, then 3 stray dogs came closer. Marci also had been on the earth for just 9 months. Maybe at that time, she had seen the dogs for the first time. Thus, she couldn’t realise she had to stay away from them. Then, they bit her from so many angles and one of them cut off her veins from the neck. The next morning, I was very miserable due to watching the footsteps on the camera. That happened. in only 5 seconds. That was my second time I lived with an animal. First one was a dog and it was an adorable 18 years of my life.
Lastly, I went bankrupt. When I was a student, every summer i usually worked from 7am to 00am with 2 jobs. One in the mornings, another one in the evenings. So all of my net worth was $25k after I finished my university. And I did lots of investing in cryptos, betting sports, trading etc. But I really didn’t have any experience of how to increase money. Although, I should have listened to my mom last September. She advised me to invest in real estate. But my stubborn behaviour believed in myself. I didn’t know how to play with this kind of money. At least, I have spent $10k for my dad’s cancer. Good thing is we all start from having nothing.
To sum up all, I have never been in this poor situation mentally and physically at the same time. But one thing for sure is that i knew how much I would be able to succeed if I tried my best. I’m gonna run until I lose my breath and my heart stops. I actually hate weakness. I want to be a man. Period
