Dr Katherine Phelps
Sep 1, 2018 · 1 min read

Thank you!

After some experiences I have a few major problems with how polyamory can be executed.

  1. Being pressurised for sex.
    M: Let’s hook up.
    F: I’m sorry, I’m married.
    M: That’s no excuse. Marriage is antiquated.
    F: Okay, I don’t want to hook up with you.
    M: What are you? Some sort of prude?
    Followed by numerous abusive messages on Facebook.
  2. After agreeing to a monogamous relationship, feeling dissatisfied, then bringing in non-monogamy as an answer. Basically, it’s a “let’s start seeing other people scenario”, while keeping one foot in the relationship for safety sake.
    One particular case I experienced was of a person who decided I was going to be the new woman. His wife agreed, but clearly wasn’t happy about it. I was never consulted on whether I was even interested. Next thing you know, I’m being bullied by this person in a class for not fulfilling his imagined scenario.
  3. These two you have touched on: expecting to be poly without using protection from sexually transmitted diseases, and not letting a partner know you are going to be out, thereby leaving them to worry that maybe you’ve been run over by a truck.
  4. Not considering the consequences of pregnancy and bailing on the woman. I don’t believe we can safely have a non-monogamous society until such time as women and children are guaranteed a secure living whatever their relationship arrangements, and women are treated respectfully and as equals in all cases.

Polyamory on paper looks good. In real life I have experienced a lot of misogyny.

    Dr Katherine Phelps

    Written by

    Activist, Author, Playwright, Performer, Tea-drinker: katherinephelps.com