After some experiences I have a few major problems with how polyamory can be executed.
- Being pressurised for sex.
M: Let’s hook up.
F: I’m sorry, I’m married.
M: That’s no excuse. Marriage is antiquated.
F: Okay, I don’t want to hook up with you.
M: What are you? Some sort of prude?
Followed by numerous abusive messages on Facebook.
- After agreeing to a monogamous relationship, feeling dissatisfied, then bringing in non-monogamy as an answer. Basically, it’s a “let’s start seeing other people scenario”, while keeping one foot in the relationship for safety sake.
One particular case I experienced was of a person who decided I was going to be the new woman. His wife agreed, but clearly wasn’t happy about it. I was never consulted on whether I was even interested. Next thing you know, I’m being bullied by this person in a class for not fulfilling his imagined scenario.
- These two you have touched on: expecting to be poly without using protection from sexually transmitted diseases, and not letting a partner know you are going to be out, thereby leaving them to worry that maybe you’ve been run over by a truck.
- Not considering the consequences of pregnancy and bailing on the woman. I don’t believe we can safely have a non-monogamous society until such time as women and children are guaranteed a secure living whatever their relationship arrangements, and women are treated respectfully and as equals in all cases.
Polyamory on paper looks good. In real life I have experienced a lot of misogyny.