Learning Not To Bitch At Cats For Being Cats

Gandalf Chilling In The Tumble Dryer

My cats used to piss me off. I would tell them not to touch something and they’d go and fuck with it. Cats are not dogs.

You can talk to cats, but you can’t tell them anything. “How do you control them?” is a question only cat amateurs ask … there are no cat training schools. Well, I say this, and I may be totally wrong (yes, I could employ Google, but where’s the fun in that?). But you don’t get a cat expecting it to be obedient. Get a small dog instead.

Anyway, it took me a while to realize that cats, when they are awake like to be in motion, and preferably to be chasing after something that is in motion. If the room is all about stillness they will find something that they can fuck with to make it move — whether this is your favorite pot plant or you chasing after them.

Keep them occupied and things tend to chill out. Stop responding to them messing with things by angrily chasing them, and they will stop messing with things quite so much.

We got our second cat to handle the boredom of our first cat. We had a thought that getting a third cat might offset the power struggle between the two cats, but that doesn’t necessarily follow. I had 3 step kids and the power dynamic was an ever-evolving system of chaos.

Be cool and calm around your cats and they start to chill out and enjoy being around you — they start to lose that manic edge and they will be very cute towards you.

Of course every cat owner knows that suddenly without warning, they can start meowing at the ceiling and running around the room like they are being hunted by the most fearsome thing a cat could ever imagine. Cats are a unique reward, and when a previously aloof cat first climbs into your lap and goes to sleep there is something special about it. When a cat that barely purrs sits in your lap and rumbles because it is happy to be in your company, it is hard not to fall in love.

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