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Yesterday (8 October 2020), I decided to meet psychiatrist. I know him from my search tab on twitter. His name is dr.Rama Giovanni, one of the most recommended psychiatrist that I found. His clinic is far far away from home so it took a lot of time and effort and of course money (well, since I used my pocket money) to met him.

I can’t really write the details because I do not feel like I want to. I told him like so much things that have been happening to me all this years. …

Hello to my nonexistent reader. It’s been like 8 months of quarantine and nothing is getting better I guess. Many people keep being ignorant as they don’t wear their mask, hanging out like there’s nothing wrong about it, and worse they don’t believe that this pandemic is a real serious thing. You know, I’m done thinking and talking about others because they don’t even care with themselves.

This post is actually written because I feel like I need to get my head clear by write everything that has been there since the last time I wrote.

If you don’t know…

It’s 2am. I’m not planning to stay up late or wake up too early this morning, but here I’m anyway. I had some kind of breakdown last week, at 23/9. I was having suicidal thought and I think it’s because some of very unimportant reasons. I used online consultation with psychiatrist to asked if it was just a normal period feeling or not. She told me if I’m not getting better at two weeks, it would be better if I visit a psychiatrist. I was had those thought for like the next one or two days but then I felt better. Like I even excited for my first day of 3rd semester, and to be honest I was kind of productive this week.

Do you know why I have those thoughts? It feels like my existence in this world is not needed.

(Written at 4 Oct 2020)

This writing is for my two friend, L and M.

Hello, both of you. I didn’t know that my very fist deep talk would be with you guys. The kind of talk I thought that I would never had because I thought I will never meet thing called “best friend” anymore.

Aku ngga tau kalau aku bakal se-enjoy itu buat naik motor, nyari jalan pulang yang jauh, and think about everything on the motorcycle. Aku ngga tau, aku bakal bisa punya pretty serious convo sama kalian. …

This picture is added for no reason at all :)

I am crazy. What is wrong with me? What is literally wrong with me? Why do I keep involved around boys that is liked by my friend?

Hello again, it’s me again with another guy story. Yep, it just only five months after the last time I wrote about “him”. I moved on. Very easy. Well not that easy to be honest. And today, let me presenting you another him :). Yep my fellow Aries, don’t we get bored easily? …

Well, hello again. It’s pretty much a very long time since the last time i write here. Did you know what happened right now? Well, it’s a pandemic. Pretty much scary but everyone’s doing their best so we won’t have the virus on us. And for now, I’m doing online learning due to the pandemic, and it’s my fourth day staying in the house. I got a lot of tasks to done in a pretty short time, but hey, it’s another thing that I have to survived on right?

Actually what I want to tell you right now is …

There’s a very weird way to end my 2019. Do you know what is that? It just me being dumb for investing my feeling to someone :). Well, I mean it’s not like he is the first guy that I liked since my very first and last boyfriend, but dude? what the hell am I doing with myself? With my feeling?

Before breaking down about that one guy, I just wanna remind myself that I liked someone from my class since September, I guess? I kind of like this guy for 4 months, which was a pretty long time for…

So, this is my very first writing for after a very long time. First thing I wanted to say is : it feels so awkward to write down my feelings in Bahasa, so I’m just gonna write it in (my broken) English.

2019 is a mixed year. This year taught me so so so much about life, surviving, letting things, and grateful over so many things. Started from graduated from high school, I learned how to live without my friends. There’s no more Berli, Diana, Theo, Umi, Ririn, and everyone in the class. I can’t meet them for every single…

Serene

Everyone seriously needs to try Pizza Hut’s mushroom puff pastry

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