Some Thoughts on Loneliness: How Desirable is this Loneliness?
One way or another, everybody dies alone in the end.. What I am going to say, however, is upon the living.
Humans have to live in a society. This has been the way we live from the very beginning of our life in this world. Even at those times we collect and hunt, the labour division was at hand. Yet, it’s understandable that the loneliness has its own attractiveness when the average is this low and when the common is this rascal.
Today, loneliness has not lost its glamour, but there is a difference. Even if one is physically alone, it is almost impossible to be alone.
Today, distractors are all around us and it is becoming more and more difficult to spend time with oneself. Smart phones, internet, computers, games, mails, TVs, cities, lights on the streets, work, vehicles, cars, traffic, friends at school, friends at work, friends on social media, lovers, relatives, ads, skyscrapers, hustle and bustle of the streets, the time we’re exposed to the screens…
The stress level of ordinary life is so high that when you’re finally physically alone, let’s say when you’re preparing for a peaceful sleep at night, the anxiety of work life, the requirements and responsibilities to be fulfilled or the pressure coming from your lecturer at college or your boss at work haunts your mind. So, even if you’re a strong-willed person who overcomes the temptation of the screen or declines an invitation from your friends, your mind cannot find a way out of this chaotic atmosphere.
Almost everything we see also works as a distractor. Have you ever noticed that you cannot focus enough on to actual your hobbies, your interests, yourself? Avoiding from distractors has never been more difficult. Yet this is not a big trouble for everyone. Moreover, some of us are not even bothered by this kind of life full of distractions. It is clear that these people need them to escape from themselves. While some of us have an innate desire to be alone, to take some time to listen to ourselves.
Arthur Schopenhauer says that people with high intellectual capacity have a strong desire to spend time with themselves rather than with outside distractors, including other people in society. People with low intellectual capacity, on the other hand, need joy from the outside because they cannot enjoy what they have inside.
Schopenhauer also claims that if you’re a self-sufficient person, happiness doesn’t depend on how much wealth you possess or how high a position you hold in society. Because external causes are not the primary reasons for being happy. And the absolute happiness comes if you have strong and rich enough inside. Physically, intellectually and emotionally.
Therefore, the degree of this desire to be alone often depends on how intelligent and self-sufficient you are. So, if you are overwhelmed by what life has to offer and you don’t want to spend all your time with the people around you, if you feel that the time you can’t spend with yourself is wasted time, you can at least be content with the idea that you are one of the gifted.
Of course Schopenhauer doesn’t have to be right in everything he said but the point I want to draw your attention is that even if one needs/wants to be alone for a while, finding a space for oneself is a big issue today. It’s not only that we’re too busy, but we’re almost not allowed to be alone. Under such surveillance, Orwell would cry for he couldn’t write enough, you can only think that you have your own decisions or will, except that you don’t have.
What Does Solitude Offer Us?
The reason why we are not allowed to be alone and the reason why some of us avoid solitude are one and the same. The answer lies in what solitude gives us: a favourable environment for thinking. People who don’t want to think are therefore lucky. Because they don’t like what is already forbidden for them.
I can understand that all kinds of defenders of authority and the status quo do not like it when thinking people ask questions that may cause discontent among those who benefit from the system. They have found a way to prevent people from thinking as they wish. And this gives us the most significant reason why it is such an uphill struggle to be left alone today: Because there are people who want us to think only what they allow us to think. That’s why you can’t even be alone in your sleep, and that’s why we live in a world full of distractions.
And I can understand that some of us are really pleased with the fact that it’s not likely to find a peaceful moment to be alone. Everybody feels that loneliness makes them think, and thinking is like a drink with a bitter taste. Only real drinkers can drink it. It has a flavour that can be appreciated by rare people.
A person can believe that he is happy, pretending to be happy and smiling at the people around him. This can go for a lifetime as long as he can hide the fact that he is not from himself. And this is only possible if he manages to be among distractions. Avoiding loneliness is an easy way out, if you don’t have ability to face it. Loneliness may not bring happiness unless you are strong inside. But if your happiness depends on distractions, it is not real anyway. But who wants/cares about reality? That’s another question indeed.
The Last Stop of “the Sublime Quest”
“Fin da allora il meglio della mia vita era dentro di me.” (Un Uomo Finito — Giovanni Papini)
There is another aspect of loneliness that we need to discuss. Many thinkers and writers have praised loneliness in different words. One of these words, which you can find above, belongs to Papini and can be translated as follows: “Even then, the best of my life was inside me.”
Perhaps noble souls would see the hypocrisy and insincere shallowness in people most clearly and find it most unbearable. Solitude, therefore, would be the only escape, the only solace for them.
From what I have said so far, one can also assume that those whose path leads to loneliness are mostly the travellers of that “Sublime Quest” and those who are in chase of a profound meaning that answers everything. However, did the lonely find what they were looking for in solitude? Or did the greatest of all disappointments awaits there for the seekers of meaning? After all, this was a world full of disillusionment, and those who are to face the greatest disappointment had to be the intellectually strongest among us.
Since I saw the news that Paul Auster, one of the greatest of modern American writers, passed away (R.I.P), I would like to quote from his book “The Brooklyn Follies”:
“When a person is lucky enough to live inside a story, to live inside an imaginary world, the pains of this world disappear. For as long as the story goes on, reality no longer exists.”
In the first part of this work, I also wanted to draw a picture that how today’s world offers so many tools to create your imaginary story. It’s true that the lucky ones are those who can stay in their own story, in the Matrix, or whatever you want to call it. Only the strong can find the courage to step into the desert of reality. Loneliness is like a giveaway of facing reality, as one has to abandon the imaginary story that involves people and society.
Please share your ideas and questions on loneliness. I am looking forward to hear your comments.
The Works Mentioned
- “Aphorismen zur Lebensweistheit”, Arthur Schopenhauer
- “Un Uomo Finito”, Giovanni Papini
- “The Brooklyn Follies”, Paul Auster
