it was a heavy rain, that poured and washed away my flower seeds,
a thousand tries later, the rain still comes,
the flowers never grow.

it was a freezing night, that blocked and watched the way for me to flee,
a thousand nights later, the dark still haunts,
I am still at my low.

a thousand cries later,
a thousand wines later,
a thousand sighs later,
a thousand climbs later,
a thousand flights later,
I am still here,
weakening,
ebbing,
in vain.

secretly hoping,
discreetly dreaming,
languidly standing,
recklessly searching,
desperately praying,
I am still here,
subsiding,
sinking,
in pain.

I shine and fade within your memories
— fine but shade in the scenery

I cry and play your twisted games
— high, astray, out of frames

I die but stay within your memories
— white but grey in the reveries

I rise and fake your twisted games
— lies escaped, but ashamed

I’m another blurred portrait to you,
one you’ve ever seen but never see.

she burned the film reels of her daydreamed scenes,
she crossed the love poems she once wrote as teen,

she scraped her dreamscapes of her walls,
escaped her past, brawled against the thralls,

she drove her worst wheel through the highest hill,
she wore her thinnest coat through the coldest chill,

she lost herself to the wildest wind,
fought it back, then called herself queen,

— she hated herself for it,
now she loves herself for it,

— she found her victory in her own downfall.

I’m the answer that never fits in your crossword boxes — the wrong answer you think is right,

Too thin sweater for your weather — never ready for your forever,

The oversized shoes you keep in your drawer of prize — little segments of your pride but never meant for your life,

You forced me into your life in the way you pushed your old stuff into a cardboard box for moving in to a new home — you put me right in the place I don’t belong,

the stitch you picked to patch your scar — but you only needed to dress it and smoke your cigar,

I’m the puzzle piece you reap on the table that you haven’t used ’til now — one day you’ll realize I never belong, not in your world.

clouds are over me;
I let the wind take me,
let the rain taint me,
let the storm dawn free,
and freeze my sanity,

clouds are over me;
I let them all fool me,
let the death touch me,
let the dark hold me,
and fade my clarity,

I let the past pull me,
let the pain haunt me,
let the ghost run free,
ruin away my bliss,

I let the fire burn me,
churn me, turn me
into this piece,

I let it all
kill me.