The hardest thing

The view of my neighborhood when I was took off to work this morning.


So my mom was coming to the small town where I’m working, Jepara, yesterday. It was in the middle of the weekdays and she insisted me to come home with her by the afternoon. Well, it might sounds exhausted, but it was just 2 hours of driving, and I got a chance to meet my husband, that would be lovely. So I said yes to my mom immediately.

As a weekend wife, I feel that I cannot devote to my husband totally. I leave him to work on weekdays.

All those thing we want to do everyday always sum up in a tight schedule on the weekend, I mean on Sunday. I come home every Saturday afternoon, already a bit tired of driving but as soon as I’m looking into his smiling eyes always give me 110% battery power.

Leaving my mom alone in the house is always crushing me too. I barely be there as her daughter, I am the one who always away. I try to be as sweet as possible to her although I wasn’t, I felt guilty to her for not being the best daughter, always disagree and away.

For all of that, I do not want anything but stay at home. Those fancy places, hip cafes, exotic destinations seems not as interesting without family and friends. With whom is the matter, not to where anymore, that’s what I learned as I’m getting old.

I’d rather stay at home mopping the floor while my husband scrolling his online shops window shopping at the living room, or visit my moms and listening to their weeks and accompany them to visit some aunts or just take clothes from her regular tailor.

I might not the best person, wife, daughter, sister, friend, or employee, but I try to give my best. To be present and grateful, wishing others can being the same too.


Being away is the hardest thing.

Leaving my husband in every monday morning or just like this morning-seeing his face faded on my rear view mirror as I drive further, hearing my mom voice through the phone, knowing my siblings activity by the family group chat, and chatting with friends on social media are always crushed me. they are the most important things and I am away from them.

Still,

I always be grateful for everything. I know there is always, a lots of people, with more uncomfortable conditions than mine. Thank God for everything You give to me. Alhamdulillah.

For all the things I’ve been away from, I got to give my best shot. I need to work really great and make it worth, and see them not for the guilty things but as the great motivation.

All the works and prayers always flowing to them, family and friends. I hope we all always in a good condition, in a good health, in a good relationship, in a good career, in a good food and always be loved by the people who surround us. Aamiin.