Things North Korea Can Do With An Atomic Bomb

Whoa. North Korea finally developed an atomic bomb. Maybe. It might have also been an earthquake. Or that Kim Jong-Un guy falling out of his chair trying to grab his favorite bouncy buddy (tennis ball). Or something else. Who knows. I sure as hell don’t.

Either way, no matter what happened in North Korea yesterday, we should prepare for the inevitable: they’ll develop an atomic bomb at some point. The efforts been there for years and it would be even more miraculous if they didn’t piece it all together sometime within the next fifty years.

So, with that in mind, here is a list of things North Korea could do with said atomic bomb when they eventually develop it — said atomic bomb, of course.

4). They’ll Shoot It At An Enemy

The most likely use for an atomic bomb would be to launch it at an enemy. You know those old Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote cartoons, where the coyote always tried dropping pianos and anvils on the roadrunner but it never worked? That’s how North Korea dreams of interacting with literally every other country in the world, except instead of a piano they’ll use an atomic bomb.

3). They Can Look At It

Yowzers! All diplomatic issues are suddenly solved. North Korea doesn’t need to launch their atomic bomb at anybody now, so the next best thing to do would be to look at the atomic bomb. It’s big, it’s shiny and it’s way more entertaining than an MSNBC documentary about prisoners selling their mixtapes to guards. It’s the perfect bonding moment for an entire nation: staring at a giant cylinder filled with plutonium.

2). They Can Sell It(?) ((Depends On Legality, Really))

I’m not familiar with the laws regarding the sales of nuclear weapons but hey, it never hurts to try something. There has to be someone from Cechnya or Qatar or Boise, Idaho that would love to purchase an atomic bomb. Worst case, try selling it on eBay. At least try to make some money on your old junk goods, you know?

1). They Can Build Another One

Think about it — two whole atomic bombs. North Korea will be the coolest cat on the block for sure. All the other countries will be so jealous when they show up to the UN Christmas party with not one, but TWO atomic bombs.

Talk about getting “turnt”.