BTS: A Lesson in Men Loving Men
Tired and toxic notions of masculinity are increasingly under attack—and it's about time. Among the brave fighters, whether they know it or not, are seven 20-somethings from South Korea who have made K-Pop a force in music and popular culture around the world.
V, Suga, Jin, Jungkook, RM, Jimin, and J-Hope debuted in 2013—then the Bangtan Boys—as a very different group. The aggressively male performance featured the boys playing tough with chunky gold jewellery and baggy sweaters and shorts hanging off their slender frames, capped with black bandanas, snapbacks, and beanies. The look bordered on, or in some cases crossed, the line towards appropriation and caricature (I'm looking at you and that hair, RM). The teen angst was as thick as BO in a high school change room with songs like "War of Hormone," and "Boy in Luv" (the precursor to their latest single, "Boy With Luv"). Other writers have pointed out the outright misogynistic content that made up some of the group's early songs. It was a lot of nope, even for 2013.
Fortunately for us, those days are gone. The BTS of today is more playful, tender, and all-around more fascinating. Their 2013 look has been traded in for pastel suits and jewelled sequined jackets, smoky eyes and impossibly smooth skin, and flowing locks of nearly every colour. It all comes together to create a "softboy" aesthetic that is much more befitting of the band members—and quite the glow up.
There's no doubt that the change worked: Many of us can't help but pay attention regardless of our grasp of the Korean language. In 2018, BTS became the first-ever South Korean band to debut an album at No. 1 on the US Billboard 200 chart. Their world tour sold out nearly as fast as you can say "BTS," and they have become the first Korean act to perform on Saturday Night Live. The music video for their latest single "Boy With Luv" has broke the record for the most-viewed YouTube debut, an honour coveted by all serious stan groups, amassing a whopping 74.6 million views in just 24 hours.
While their looks alone are certainly shaking things up (and who can deny those looks...), their right jab is a bit more subtle. In between their unbelievably precise and manicured performances are touching moments of vulnerability and affection that model deep male relationships where emotion, care and love are welcome.
Examples abound in the self-produced reality shows the band releases on a regular basis. During the second season of "Bon Voyage," the guys read letters they have written to one another with notes of appreciation, brotherhood, and yes, even love, openly voiced. V’s tears are received with gratitude rather than judgement.
During one highlight reel that aired prior to a comeback show in 2018, Jimin cuddles up to his fellow band member as he practices English with a phone in-hand. Neither seem particularly dismayed by the physical contact, or the fact that a camera is playing witness to it.
These scenes should not be as shocking as they are. Many men, however, have learned to keep other men in their lives at an arms length from an early age—no doubt pushed to do so by a society that continues to devalue and often punish perceived femininity, and the human emotions that have come to be associated with it, as well as any signs of homosexuality. These images subvert these expectations. BTS shows us something on their massive stage that we see so rarely: men loving men.
I don't mean to imply that any of the members of BTS share a romantic kind of love (although some fans certainly will). Rather, I am referring to the kind of love you might share with a family member or a childhood friend. It is a love that allows for comfort, trust, and support through what you say and what you do. It is also a love that many men certainly feel towards other men. It is not only healthy, but necessary, that men be able to show and express that love and access the emotions beneath them that they are often told to ignore. Imagine a world where all men can more quickly show kindness and care than they can aggression and feigned dominance. In modelling what men openly loving men could look like, BTS shows us what is possible, helping to breakdown the systems that make it seem impossible too.
For some, however, there reason to be skeptical. It is possible that these acts of love could be just that: acts. They have been referred to by some as "fanservice.” Certain fans love to see that the members of their favourite bands are close to one another (in several different ways): the logic being, in part, that if a fan's favourite band member is not in a relationship with them, at least they can be in a relationship with one of their fellow band members. See the "Larry" saga during One Direction's reign atop the Boy Band Iron Throne for an example of this. It is a side-effect of how rare these moments of men loving men are that whenever they are witnessed, some attempt to rationalize them by assuming homosexuality or look upon them with skepticism.
In the case of BTS, I have found no reason to believe that what is happening here is put-on (and I have done a lot of "research"). It does seem that the members of BTS genuinely enjoy being together. Or, at the very least, they have learned to accept that their power and success is as a group and are thus making the best of it by actually liking each other. The intent of each member, however, is not as important as the ultimate effect.
What BTS offers is a more expansive picture of what masculinity can look and feel like — and millions are watching. It is bright and sparkling while remaining soft around its edges, with the promise of great hair and great skin, and a healthier dose of love.
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