What kids need to hear: Not safe. But not powerless either

In the wake of the election I keep hearing people say we should tell kids we will ‘keep them safe’ or that ‘they will be ok’.

That’s a lovely fantasy, but not a good idea.

Because the painful reality is, with Donald Trump as President, this is a promise we can not keep.

Day 1 after the election has come and gone. And what did it bring us? Dozens of reports of harassment, attacks, hate tagging and yes — even nooses. Are we really going to tell kids they’re safe? What kind of mind twister do you think that will be for them?

So what can we tell kids? Any of the kids in our lives, whether our own, those in our classrooms, our grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or friends.

We can start by hearing their fears.
Not our fears, but theirs. Start by not putting our emotions and words into their heads, but actually listening to where they are. Children are paying attention. They hear us talk. They hear things at school. They are seeing hate in action and it scares and worries them. Listen to them first. Find out what they feel and what they’ve seen. Know the ground they are walking on. Especially if they are not white, straight, affluent and living in cities.

Then we can reassure them.
Not that we can keep them safe, because we can’t. But reassure them that we will work to make the world a better place.
It’s not just the bible that tells us the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It’s not enough to want a safer, better world. We must now work for it. Harder than we have had to in recent history.
The good news? Kids are not afraid of hard work. They’re afraid of adults they can’t trust.

Day 2 after the election, my teenage son taught me this quote from Malala Yousafzai, who was shot at age 15 by the Taliban because she spoke out for the rights of girls to be educated. If anyone ever had reason to respond with fear or anger, it is Malala. Instead, she tells us “With guns you can kill terrorists, with education you can kill terrorism.”
Now more than ever we need to build toward a positive, constructive version of the country we want to live in. One that honors the Constitution and all people who live under it. One that protects legitimate free speech while disallowing speech that incites violence. This will come not from violence, nor from extending an olive branch. It won’t come from waiting to see what happens, or from giving Trump a chance to govern well. It will come from working, now, from Day 1 or 2 or 3 for what is right.

Put things in perspective for kids.
Whether you draw on MLK Jr’s long arc of history bending toward justice, or Margaret Meads’ assertion that we “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” People are strong. We are not powerless. We have overcome slavery and atrocity. Yes people get hurt, and even killed. But the inexorable march toward freedom and justice will continue.

Children and teens are young. Remember this. They have no long term perspective. What seems dark and miserable to them today is their reality. It can consume them. We must help them see the perspective of history and help them understand their place in working to bring about a better world.

Be real.
Not everyone who voted for Trump is overtly racist, but they all condoned the environment that has created these attacks. And make no mistake — more are coming. It’s no controversy that Trump said things during the campaign that were beyond the pale of decency. And things his white supremacist supporters are saying and doing now after his election are beyond even speaking. Be real about that. Kids get that.

Good people do make mistakes. Good people can create problems. We must work toward a better world. Children will be relieved to hear that we will. And to hear specific ways that you — and they — can start.

Be specific.
Be clear with children about you are going to be doing. Ask them if they have ideas of how they could work toward justice. They probably do. This is when we get to see how strong and capable our children truly are.

Offer your ideas, encouragement and resources. Show them through your words and actions that you are not sitting idly by. That you are not waiting for someone else to make the difference, or waiting for someone else to make life better. Teach them that they don’t have to either.

We. Are. Not. Powerless.

We can get through this. We will get through this. We must. Kids are actually my greatest source of hope for us all.