Father’s Day in Memory of My Father-in-Law (1)
As Father’s Day 2024 arrives, I find myself wanting to share some stories about my father-in-law to honor this elder. I am deeply grateful to him for raising such a wonderful daughter, who has become my lifelong partner and changed my life.
My father-in-law was an extremely ordinary, honest, and humble worker. Through years of interacting with him, this kind and gentle elder has left a profound and beautiful impression on me. This year marks the 88th anniversary of his birth, and I write this to commemorate a quiet and almost forgotten man, to express my respect, gratitude, and remembrance for him.
My father-in-law was not tall and was rather frail, but his large, bright eyes always sparkled with life, and he often had a gentle smile on his face. Every time I visited his home, I would see him bustling about. While my mother-in-law was busy cooking in the kitchen, he would quietly assist her by washing vegetables, wiping the table, and keeping busy with whatever needed to be done. He was a man of few words, very careful and polite in his speech and behavior. When everyone else was chatting lively, he would often sit by with a smile, listening quietly, nodding occasionally, and sometimes adding a word or two.
When my wife and I were just dating, there was one time we walked past a large silk shop in the central area of Changsha, near Wuyi Square. My wife told me a story about her grandfather related to this shop. She said that before the liberation of China, this silk shop was owned by her grandfather. On the eve of 1949, her grandfather was planning to move to Hong Kong. However, her grandmother persuaded him not to go, causing him to miss the chance to escape before the social upheaval. In the early 1950s, his property was confiscated by the new Chinese government, leaving him only a few private residences. He was forced to go to the countryside for labor reform. Because of his short stature, he was assigned to herd cattle in the team. As a businessman who grew up in the city and had never done farm work, he was afraid to walk in front of the cattle while herding them. Instead, he timidly followed behind, tightly holding the rope, fearing the cattle might run away. One day, the cattle were startled and began to run. To prevent them from escaping, he held onto the rope firmly and was dragged to the ground by the frenzied cattle, suffering severe injuries. He died shortly after from the injuries.
My father-in-law grew up in a large family with eight siblings, and he was the third eldest. His younger siblings were all well-educated professionals before the Cultural Revolution. The siblings had a good relationship and would often gather for lively family reunions during holidays at the homes of relatives living near the city. Shortly after my wife and I got married, we attended one such gathering at one of her aunt’s houses. The strong sense of family and affection among the siblings left a particularly deep impression on me.
My father-in-law’s eldest sister lived in Shanghai, where she and her husband were businesspeople. When I was a graduate student in Shanghai, I would occasionally visit her on weekends. Her family was always very hospitable, insisting that I stay for meals each time. She had three sons: the eldest ran a printing factory in Shenzhen, the second was a German translator for a foreign company, and the youngest was a Japanese translator. They were all very friendly and engaging, and their conversations often revolved around business ventures and traveling abroad. In the early 1980s, China was experiencing the initial waves of migration southward to Shenzhen and westward to the United States. Shanghai was especially gripped by the craze of going abroad. When I first arrived, I had no thoughts of studying overseas, but after interacting with her sons a few times, they ignited the desire in me to pursue my dream of studying abroad. My aunt-in-law was also very talkative, often sharing stories about her and her husband’s younger days running a business in Shanghai. Their business was very successful at the time, and whenever she visited Shanghai, she stayed at the renowned Peace Hotel, traveled by rickshaw, and settled bills with signed notes instead of cash. She once said, “I am the only one in our family who truly enjoyed our wealth when I was young.”
When my father-in-law was in middle school, he accidentally injured his foot and had to drop out of school. Soon after, he started working as an apprentice in his father’s shop. Initially, some employees would intentionally leave money in places where he could easily find it to test whether he was honest and reliable. He was very disciplined and was never tempted by the money. Once, while collecting payments from another shop, he didn’t notice a hole in the bottom of the cloth bag he used to carry the silver coins. As he poured a large number of coins into the bag, he heard the sound of coins clinking and falling to the ground. He was extremely anxious and quickly picked up each coin from the floor. Luckily, none of the money was lost.
The marriage between my father-in-law and mother-in-law is a small but remarkable story. By the 1950s, he had become a warehouse manager at a large pharmaceutical factory. My mother-in-law, at 16, had volunteered to work in Lhasa, Tibet, for over two years. Due to her family background — her father was a former Nationalist government official — she couldn’t continue working in Lhasa and had to return to her rural hometown in Hunan. Not long after, she started working as a temporary laborer at the pharmaceutical factory. It was there, during a youth league activity in the workshop, that she met the workshop’s youth league secretary — my father-in-law. Initially, his siblings disapproved of their relationship, believing that both came from disadvantaged backgrounds and that the girl was too beautiful for the relationship to last. Despite these pressures, they persevered and married a little over a year later. In the China of the 1950s, it was no small feat for two young people from disadvantaged backgrounds to get married. It took a great deal of courage to withstand the pressures from both family and society. My father-in-law and mother-in-law were truly a match made in heaven. Their wedding photo, taken at the Haixuanmen Photo Studio in Changsha, was such an outstanding piece that it was displayed in the studio’s front window for an extended period.
My father-in-law was an intelligent and eager learner. With decades of experience in managing the pharmaceutical factory’s warehouse, he was proficient in chemistry and had a deep understanding of pharmaceutical raw materials and many of the factory’s formulations. In the years leading up to his retirement, several small pharmaceutical companies reached out to him, seeking his expertise to help them set up their factories after he retired. His abacus skills were exceptional as well. Given the large quantities of raw materials that needed precise calculations, and in the absence of computers at the time, he would use two abacuses joined together to calculate the required amounts. This required a high level of skill and accuracy in abacus usage.
My wife often reminisces about her childhood memories. Summers in Changsha were extremely hot, and sometimes her father would mix a little vitamin C with a cup of water to make a refreshing and delicious drink, which tasted somewhat like a sour plum beverage. Occasionally, when he got angry and scolded them, her mother’s return would immediately stop his scolding. Whenever their father was in a bad mood, the sisters would eagerly wait for their mother to come home early to stop the reprimands. When my wife was in middle school, she would stay at school after classes to participate in the cultural performance team, dancing and playing table tennis until late in the evening. Her younger sister, who would always return home early, would start cooking. Sometimes, if she accidentally burned the food, their father would blame her for not doing things right. Life was sometimes unfair; those who did more work often got scolded more.
My wife says her father held traditional views and would often lament about his hardships, especially when in a bad mood. Since the family had no sons, he had to shoulder many of the heavy chores alone. Being of small stature and not in the best health, this often made him feel troubled. He was also a timid person. The family lived in a very old house that was infested with rats. At night, when they were trying to sleep, the rats would come out, scurrying around the house and sometimes even climbing on top of their mosquito nets or fighting near their bed. One time, he accidentally stepped on a rat and was so frightened that he trembled all over.
