at my worst

3am


i want nothing
i deserve nothing
no dignity
no respect
nothing
i’m not human
just man
dead

can i
d
i
e
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
..
.
.
.
..
.
.
…….
..
.
.

real
fake
real
fake
r
f
r
f
r
f
r
f
r
f
base
ac’di
basde
acid
base
acid
base
acid
basae
acid
bas
e
acid
base
aid
jzoc

life = done

while(life>=3)
done making art
done being an object
done performing
done being anything
for anyone
for anything
for anywhere
for anything
for anyone
for this
for that
for all
for nothing
for
for
for
for
for
for me
for you
grammar
gram
gr
a
n
diea
ails
seqonqnane
quinine
quieantre’
sfoasdzow
kill
me
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.

.
.
.
.

…….
.
.
.
….
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
what is there
to
live
for
?
?
?
?
/?
/?
?

//
//
/

//
/
/
/
//
/
/
//
/
/
/

////
/
/
//
/
/
//
/
/
/
///
/
/
//
/
/
//
//
/
//
//////
/
///
/
///
/
/
/
//
/////////////
//////////////////
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
\\\\\\\\\\\\
\

\\\\\\\\\
\

\\\\\\\\
aaaeââäæa44a4äaa1àáä5a5a5
someone;s out there

\

\\

you probably think i’m schitzo
that’s where you’d be wrong
this is just angst
this is just me
this is just
this is
this
th
t

hide
hid
e
hide
hid
id
di
die
eid
diel
deiel
eisl
slide
sile
slip
plight
trie
fried
fier
stire
fiery
rife
flier
filer
fires
siled
trils
trial
trist
stire
silet
filet
still
fill
bill
bil
li
ib
i

gamble me away
roll my dice
humanity always loses in the end
or does it triumph
i can’t remember
i was in a cocoon
but i’m no butterfly
butter me and serve me
unnecessarily optimistic
unconditionally pessimistic
unidentifiably unnecessary
let me die
let me be
let me be nothing
let me die something
pin me to a wall wings and all or let me fly
i wish i had a story worth telling
discordant but still redundant
unnecessary but needed
i’m sorry
i need to speak up
i am a hypocrite
i’m everything you think i am
and nothing you want me to be
unbelievable
nonbeliever
nothing
everything
a mess of nothing
worth something with nothing
worth it
or not
nothing
something
words
patterns
run me an algorithm
feed me through
make it echo
a one person echo
a chamber of shadows
a chamber of nothing
don’t look back
only look forward
to what?
to what
to
what
broken
dead
“yea fuck you”
heartless
heartless
heartless
heartless
heartless
heartless
only heart
only heart
i’m not
not ready
not here
not there
not me
not me
i stare into the void
in the void
identity fixed
i need to be loved
i need to be love
loved
your stories are fiction why are they compelling
your stories are real why are they disheartening
this isn’t right
this isn’t anything
escape isn’t an option
its the only option
escape
escape
when do i ge tto die
death
death
death
death
death
death
death
death
am i gothic yet
am i unstable enough yet
watch me squirm
im not strong enough to fight your bigotry
im not naïve enough to stand up for myself
im not brave enough to speak my mind
im not whole enough to be worth being
im not
im not
i am
no
one
worth
being
not invited
not invited
not me
not you

reality sucked the life out of me

reality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of mereality sucked the life out of me
reality sucked the life out of me
reality sucked the life out of me
reality sucked the life out of me
reality sucked the life out of me
reality sucked the life out of me
reality sucked the life out of me
v
v
v
reality sucked the life out of me

3vam 10/15/16
v
reality sucked the life out of mevvreality sucked the life out of me

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated s p b’s story.