You’re just not on my level….
Why do I feel like there is no one in this world that I can relate to? Sorry, let me rephrase as this is not entirely true! You see, I feel I have no problem with relating with other people. I am a very relatable person. The problem I find is that no one seems to can really relate to me , my outlook and where I’m coming from. I totally subscribe to the notion of when in Rome — do as the Romans do — so I can typically converse and communicate on a variety of levels with all different kinds of people from a multitude of backgrounds. I’m versatile — as some would say. This versatility has allowed me to do many things and go to a mix of places and meet all types of people from all walks of life. However, rarely do I ever seem to meet people that can get on my level. It feels as though I am able to get on other people’s mental level, but they never seem to can get on mine. This feeling has resulted in me generally spending more time with myself.
Now, for the most part, I actually do enjoy my own company, I find so many things to do and there’s just that sense of freedom that you get when you are a bonafide lone ranger like myself. I also do have some friends. Friendships that have actually spun decades. I just don’t really like them that much. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are nice people and I wholeheartedly one hundred percent except that the feelings I have are totally mine and say more about me than them. It’s just that I find some of them either too superficial or too shallow or just too materialistic — so choose to spend less time around those type of people with these traits. Those traits are an example of what I would attach to a person who I deem is not on my level.When I am around them, the depth of conversation is so basic and consists of gossiping about other people, the next rave, the next dress,shoe,jacket purchase and from which store etc… It’s just all too basic and boring for me and I’ve become renown throughout this particular circle of friends to cancel on events — simply because I refuse to torture myself mercilessly with all that mental wig wash. To them, I’m being boring or miserable, and I’m totally fine with them thinking that.
I did have one really close friend. We were friends since childhood and grew into womanhood together. We could literally just look at each other and know what the other was thinking without speaking, we were that close. We’d have these really deep amazing and profound conversations about life and creation. It really should have been a really beautiful relationship that blossomed as the years rolled by. Unfortunately, we are no longer friends and haven’t spoken to each other in some time. Although I do have another friend, who I see very much as a sister and she is someone that I would definitely consider on my level to some extent. She actually lives on the other side of the world and fortunately for us, the frequency in which she likes to catch planes has allowed a genuine friendship between us to flourish over recent years. She has an interesting mind and is an extraordinary person. She’ll be here again next month and we will have a great time together — as per usual.
Anyway, I digress, back to the topic at hand. So yes, aside from my one friend, who does live in a different country, I don’t meet people on my level in general. So I spend a lot of time by myself. Now I’m single, (which really is a whole new blog entry , so I wont go too deep about my romantic status, but I shall just say this for now and leave it here) I don’t meet men on my level either. I find that the good portion of men that I do actually find physically attractive, are mentally and spiritually depleted as well as superficial and I’m certainly not prepared to get down on their level and entertain their basic behaviour in order for them to relate to me or for me to have a partner. So like Green Day sang “I walk this lonely road “ — I can somewhat relate to that.
Funny thing is, years ago being lonely seemed like the worse thing ever to me. Now I actually find comfort in my ‘loneliness’. I very often find myself racing from work/shopping/friends/family back to my solitude, back to my domain. I do not want to have loud meaningless conversations about nothing with people that don’t listen to each other anyway, as their too busy peering into their phones. I do not want to feature in anyone’s instagram/snapchat/facebook life — in order to appear like I’m having a great life, thank you very much. I don’t want to spend my money on overpriced alcohol and meals (that frankly I can cook better at home myself) all in the name of socialisation!
So yes, I guess I’m a closet anti-socialist in many respects. Which is ironic as I remember a time when I was very sociable. And to many people, I may still appear to be that way — however, I’m faking it, and I don’t want to anymore. I need to get out of the closet! I find myself participating in these empty conversations, just not to appear too anti- social. I’ll go out drinking on the weekend with these people sometimes — simply because this is what the majority of people do to socialise, and there’s a very small part of me that feels like I’m being a stuck up anti-social cow and should stop turning down these invites. However, I find such activities really boring and empty of any real substance or purpose other than to spend money and damage your body with dehydration & a lack of sleep. The funny thing is, whenever I do go out, I am always the life and soul of the party! I love to dance and talk to people as opposed to those who only become animated once they’ve consumed alcohol. I don’t even really like to drink alcohol — and certainly not in excess.
I divorced myself from social media many moons ago, so have no digital persona or reputation to uphold. I look around me, at my friends, family, peerage and just society at large and I just see people who are willfully ignorant with slave mentalities. Big consumers, gluttonous, selfish, egotistical, argumentative, vain, delusional, and cruel to each other, animals and the earth and frankly it pisses me off. I feel put off to the point that I’d rather be in my own company, as I find interacting on this level of mentality not only emotionally & spiritually taxing but rather toxic to the point that it can be even considered contagious. Ever heard of the expression one bad apple can spoil the bunch? The same philosophy applies in this instance. I am one of those good apples and I don’t want to get spoiled. So I withdraw from the negativity and from what I call low-level living of existence.
At the core of my personal beliefs — I truly feel that humans have a duty to help each other and respect any perceived differences that we may have amongst one another. We have a duty to protect the animal kingdom and cultivate and look after the land we call Earth. We are all one consciousness. I feel that we look too much at the differences and focus on them , as well as being ‘individuals’. I feel that people, particularly in the western world do not care enough about people dying in the millions: all over the world in unnecessary unjust wars, genocide, famine ( come on how can there still be famine anywhere in this world with all the resources that we have globally? Think about it.) Why do people know and care more about the Kardashians than the great pacific garbage patches of the oceans? Forgive me, I actually do know why! Why would we allow an organisation to create money, then allow this said organisation put its own value on this money and then enslave us with it? Why are we okay with paying ‘tax’ for the same thing three times or more over? I just don’t understand it. We seem to be totally fine with being poisoned with various toxins and pollutants in our water, food and air. People that snuggle up next to their pet dogs & cats while eating cooked cows, pigs and chickens and god knows what other animals are the first to display outrage at the latest animal cruelty viral video doing the rounds on Facebook — yet will totally fail to acknowledge the animal cruelty going on in abattoirs worldwide on a daily basis in the name of consumerism and feeding their belly! People seem to measure their self-worth on how much they earn from the job that they are doing, rather than by the weight of the job that they are doing in the world. I just think we are living in a time with access to so much information, so there is really no excuse to remain ignorant.
I’m done. Rant over.