Choosing Happiness
During the course of my day I meet a lot of people. And the fact is, most of them aren’t very happy. They make their way through the world in a perpetual state of silent misery or mundane disenchantment. And while it would be unrealistic to believe that you can achieve a state of happiness twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, you can achieve happiness that, even when you aren’t jumping for joy, acts as a lighthouse, guiding you through dark times and making the best of the good times.
We often look for happiness outside of ourselves–we expect our significant other, children, career, financial status, looks, religion, and numerous other things and people to make us happy. But there’s only one person who can give you a lifetime of happiness, you. Now before you leave, hear me out.
We have all met people that, no matter what happens in their life, generally speaking, we would describe as happy. And as we are all too aware, no one’s life is perfect, no matter what we may perceive from our limited knowledge of their lives. We all have problems. Even the richest and most famous among us have days when things go wrong, our loved one disappoints us, we lose a job, someone we love dies, life happens to everyone.
So can you make yourself happy? Sadness is often the result of some need we feel is important not being met. Think about it. The last time you felt sad, why were you sad? Did someone important to you disappoint you? Did someone you love pass away? Often times life confronts us with situations that are unexpected and go against what our preconceived idea of what a ‘perfect life’ is and so we are disappointed, angry, or sad.
But what if we changed our point of view? Almost all of us have had someone we love dearly pass away. After the initial tidal wave of emotions pass, what we are usually left with is a lingering feeling of melancholy. My grandmother passed away when I was fifteen. When I was a baby, my mother and I lived with my grandparents while my dad was overseas doing two tours of duty in the Air Force.
Growing up I saw my grandmother everyday. She was my rock and the day she passed away is forever etched in my memory. I cried for weeks when she passed. At one point I thought I would never get over her death. Then I realized that I was more fortunate than most people. I knew my grandmother, not just as some stately figure who was respected by her peers and loved by her family and friends, but as a real person. I knew her disappointments and her dreams. I knew her love of gardening and cooking. I knew her and I would always have my memories of her.
The secret to true happiness is focusing on the good in life. Happiness is a decision. Look for the source of your unhappinesses and then see if your expectations are realistic. If they aren’t, change them. The lesson is not to ignore the sad things in life, but to look to them for wisdom and to find happiness in what we discover about our selves and lives by knowing what moves us. Many times it means we must reach deep within ourselves and find something we aren’t entirely sure we possess–courage, determination, confidence, self esteem, etc.
When I divorced, my sadness rose from feelings of inadequacy. Would I be a good enough parent? Could I raise two children on my own? Would I be able to care for them properly with limited resources? I may have remained in my state of despair for the whole of my life, feeling like a failure, until I realized that if I gave in to my feelings of desperation and hopelessness I was not the only one who would suffer and that all my fears would come to pass because I had given up. So I made a decision: I would do my best. I went to college, I read books about self improvement and child rearing, I spoke with people who had succeeded in raising their own children, both as a couple and as single parents. I made the decision to be happy and to succeed. I did what it took to turn my vision into reality.
Your life becomes what you focus on. Focus on the good. Sometimes we all need to be reminded of the good things in life. Keep a gratitude journal. Write about all of the good people and things in your life at least twice a week. When you’re feeling unhappy, read it.