Coffee Talk: The Battle of the Snooze Button — A Morning Chronicle

By Clayton M. Myhill

Ah, mornings! That delightful time when the sun peeps through the curtains, birds sing their merry tunes, and the world feels fresh with possibility. And yet, for many of us, this idyllic scene is shattered by the relentless wail of the alarm clock, or in these modern times, the insistent buzzing of our phones, summoning us to the epic saga of the snooze button.

I must confess, I too am a chronic snooze button abuser. Every night, with the optimism of a new year’s resolution, I set my phone alarm early, vowing to embrace the dawn. Yet, come morning, that electronic chime feels like a personal affront by the universe, and I retreat into the warm embrace of the snooze feature.

Let’s ponder the absurdity of this modern snooze button, shall we? Whether it’s the historic button on a clock or the digital version on our smartphones, the concept remains the same. It’s the modern-day equivalent of Sisyphus’s boulder, forever rolling back down the hill. We delude ourselves into thinking those extra nine minutes (Why nine? Why not ten? Another of life’s great mysteries!) will be the magic potion to transform us from groggy zombies to sprightly morning sprites. Spoiler: they don’t.

This little button, no bigger than a crumpet on our phones, holds power over us like a hypnotist with a swinging watch. “You will feel refreshed,” it whispers, as we tap it down for the fifth time, the promise of productivity dwindling with each press. It’s a cycle as predictable as the tides, yet we’re lured into its trap, day after dreamy day.

And let’s not forget the snooze math — a mental gymnastics we all perform. “If I skip breakfast, I can snooze one more time,” or “I can wear the first thing I find — another snooze earned!” It’s a bizarre bargain we strike, trading punctuality and preparedness for a few stolen moments of sleep.

Now, I’ve tried to outwit this seductive digital button. I’ve placed my phone across the room, a trick as old as time. But, like a sleepwalker in a B-movie, I shuffle across the room, tap the snooze, and return to bed with no memory of the event. It’s a morning mystery, akin to crop circles or why we can never find matching socks (another topic for another day).

In the end, the snooze button, that minuscule monument to human denial, is a reminder of our eternal struggle between aspiration and reality. We aspire to be the person who leaps out of bed at dawn, but the reality is, we’re the person who cherishes those nine-minute chunks of respite from the harsh light of day.

So, as we continue our daily tussle with the snooze button, let us embrace this quirky human foible. After all, life is about finding joy in the small things — even if it’s just nine more minutes under the duvet.

Here’s to the snooze champions, the dreamers of dreams, and the masters of morning procrastination. May your coffee be strong and your mornings be gentle. And remember, every time you hit snooze, somewhere, a fellow sleepy struggler smiles in solidarity.