Chasing Waterfalls: My Quest for Fitness and Female Ejaculation
Lots of women ejaculate. It’s not a fluke or the result of decades of spiritual practice or enlightenment. It is happening in bedrooms all over the world in drips, spurts and cascades, yet not that many people are discussing it. There is a general hesitancy to talk about female sexual pleasure, so this isn’t too surprising. I am open as a squirter (as we are sometimes called), and as a result I have encountered women of all shapes, ages and sizes who have confided in me that they share this often misunderstood sexual experience. To some extent I have always been a squirter, but in recent years I have come to understand how to increase the chances of it happening and how to explain female ejaculation to others.
Throughout my life, I have started and stopped hormonal birth control several times because when I wasn’t in a relationship, it wasn’t worth the expense and the hassle of weight gain and drop in libido that resulted for me. During my last long-term relationship of my twenties, I resumed hormonal birth control, and once again I put on a significant amount of weight for my body, so I started going to barre classes in an effort to blast off some pounds and get a bit more toned. I went to two hour-long classes each week for months, sweated my workout clothes through on my lunch breaks, and yet I still couldn’t reach my fitness goals. This was the most intense workout I had ever attempted, but it did nothing to reduce the birth control weight I had gained.
Years before, I had tried Pilates training, and I loved the discipline and simplicity of it. Pilates also helped with the back pain that I have experienced throughout my life. I decided to opt out of the barre classes and move to a more tailored fitness plan with a Pilates instructor who offered me discounted personal training. I was training only once a week and running a couple miles for cardio once or twice a week, but I began to see results. When my long-term relationship ended, I evaluated other areas in my life I could improve. I became a vegetarian and switched to a non-hormonal IUD, ParaGard. With renewed focus, I was becoming stronger and healthier.
One thing that I learned from having sex after all this training is that a strong vagina is a more capable vagina. I say this because strength increases your ability to ejaculate (though it doesn’t guarantee that you will every time). When you exercise your vagina and surrounding pelvic muscles, you are training your body to be more capable of pushing out the ejaculatory fluid that builds up in the Skene’s glands (sometimes referred to as the female prostate), just inside the vagina on the upper wall. It wasn’t until I started studying to became a sex coach that I realized the connection between the strength training I had begun in barre classes and continued in Pilates and my developing sexual abilities. As I mentioned before, I have always squirted with partners, but as a result of strengthening my core muscles and pelvic floor I gained the ability to ejaculate quite forcefully and copiously. There was a substantial difference in what I could do before and after essentially strength-training my vagina.
When I brought this up with my Pilates trainer she laughed at me! I asked her why she hadn’t mentioned that Pilates could help improve my experience of sex and, in particular, orgasm. She said that when she was studying to become a Pilates instructor there was a focus on pelvic floor strength and sexual health but that she didn’t think anyone would be interested to know that. My response was: “The world needs to know about this!” And I’ve been talking openly about it ever since.
Ejaculating feels like a momentary loss of control, surrendering to extreme pleasure. While it has brought me closer to partners who are interested in how it happens, it has also made me feel uncomfortable with partners who see it as a gross and unpleasant surprise that they have to clean up afterwards. Clearly, some men are jarred when faced with an actual physical product of female orgasm. They are unsure if it is “normal” — and before I learned about it myself, I was unable to clarify what was really going on. This sometimes resulted in me apologizing for what I now know is my body’s natural response to pleasure. I have had the best results ejaculating when I have a partner who is focused on my pleasure experience, who experiences me squirting once and makes it his goal to make it happen again without pressure but out of sheer enjoyment of me being completely sexually satisfied. This shouldn’t feel radical, but I think for a lot of women it is.
As a certified sex coach, I now recommend learning how to squirt to women who already have a relatively fulfilling sex life and are looking to expand their sexual repertoire. They may even have a history of female ejaculation but want to know how to recreate or deepen the experience. For others, it may be a more challenging journey. By this I mean it’s not realistic to go from zero orgasms to squirter. In fact, the key to the squirting experience is often one’s level of arousal; it becomes easier to squirt when the area around the Skene’s glands is highly stimulated. For women who are not experiencing a great deal of arousal in general (which can be due to sexism, negative body image, past trauma, stress, self-monitoring, distracting thoughts, or other factors), squirting as a sexual goal will be harder to get to. It’s best to start with a solo practice, finding pleasure in one’s own body. Over time and with practice, arousal can build to the wave-riding enjoyment of ejaculation, and squirting can be an added bonus to an otherwise fulfilling sex life.
Becoming more aware of my body, specifically my vagina’s capabilities and strengths has been life changing and has helped to dissolve the self consciousness I felt after having a good time in bed. I may not be in peak physical condition overall, but I feel like my vagina is. If you’re curious about starting vagina training, doing Kegels and pelvic floor exercises that engage your deep core muscles can increase your body awareness and strength without going to the gym. If you want a focused practice that can make your body stronger overall, I highly recommend Pilates. It is odd to think that vaginas are so capable but, like their female owners, are often overlooked and underappreciated. It’s time to start paying them and ourselves more attention.