The Humble Brag: A Big Red Flag for Covert Narcissism
Coverts are experts at self-effacing. They come across as humble. Too humble.
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It’s almost impossible to spot covert narcissists.
Coverts will mimic real love so well, you’ll have a hell of a time knowing the difference.
That being said here are three things you need to know to have any hope of spotting a covert narcissist.
1. Pedestals have shaky foundations.
I don’t know what you think of when someone says “he put me on a pedestal”, but I literally envision a very high chair with a single leg supporting it — like a single-digit barstool that could be toppled by a stiff wind.
So if you’re up there, enjoy the view, but don’t build your life on a wobbly edifice. Always question a one-way, too-good-to-be-true relationship. If you’re put on a pedestal, question that whole idea of it. Worship of one's beloved could be a sign of love —but it could also be a sign of lovebombing. Love bombing is an intense type of psychological manipulation where a narcissist treats you like a Queen or a King and they’re your Humble Servant. If your partner acts like you’re higher than them or better than them, even though you don’t demand it or act as you though expect it, examine the whole relationship more closely.
2. Nobody eats humble pie three meals a day.
Too much humility goes against human nature. Coverts are particularly expert at acting like the most self-effacing people you’ll ever meet. They come across as extremely humble. Too humble. They’ll often put themselves down (hoping you’ll correct them) and talk about how wonderful you are and how they don’t deserve to be with someone as great as you. Too much humble pie chokes going down. Either this person really thinks they’re that low, in which case why would you want to be with them, or they’re faking it, in which case why would you want to be with them?
3. Words are air until they’re not.
Language transformed us as a species. Abstract thought allowed humanity to accomplish amazing things. But words are just air. You can, quite literally, say anything you want. It doesn’t make any of it true. Yet every day we take people “at their word”, which quite literally means to believe the words they say will equate to their actions in the real world. Did you ever watch a movie called The Invention of Lying? It will bend your mind and give you a better understanding of what words are and what they can become.
Understanding the power of language and how ill-intentioned people can use it to deceive us is essential if you want to spot toxic people, liars, narcissists, psychopaths, con artists, grifters, and your everyday run-of-the-mill teenager lying to his parents.
Just remember.
1. Relationships are two-way streets built on equality and mutual respect.
2. Humility is nice but a decent amount of self-esteem & self-respect tells you you’re dealing with a healthy human being.
3. People lie. Even to themselves. Especially to themselves.
good luck out there. MYLA
YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER.
YOU’VE ALWAYS HAD IT.
RISE UP
AND TAKE IT.
Good luck out there — myla
Before you go could I ask a favor? Would you read our story?
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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: If you’re with a narcissist, leave if you can. Go no contact if you can. If you’ve been a victim of physical or emotional abuse, call 800–799–7233
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