Sparkly Brown

Sparkles of infinite depth twinkle back at me from behind a delicious brown veil, inviting me into their mysteries and curiosities. Eager to oblige, I find my blues doing the gravity pull’n’twist™ right up into her soul. It is a lively place, full of colours and life and light. A magical place, somewhere I find utterly comfortable and enveloping.

I have never given myself so quickly to another human being before. It takes a special type of person for me to even open up to as a friend, let alone give of my entire being to. Something about her said to dive in, and I have long since learnt to trust my intuitions — after many hard lessons, granted. There is a definite resonance between us, a common plane of higher being that we both share and observe the world from. It’s uncanny how many of the things that I feel make me unique, she shares. It is like I have found a long lost puzzle piece, just as I was about to accept that the puzzle looked fine missing a piece. That feeling of plugging it in is unbelievably surreal, available only in the most incredible of dreams.

Our resonance pulses and undulates rhythmically, bending even the music to its will. When we want to speed up, the music obliges, when we want to slow down, so it does too. I can’t keep my lips off her, and she mirrors me. Hours are spent in that fuzzy close-quarters embrace, our eyes trapped in a timeless dance. I wish it was timeless.

Flashes of what our future look like fly in and out of my consciousness, the overwhelming one being that we never see each other again. There is no time, our lives are on completely different trajectories, it would take enormous luck and dedication for this to go anywhere. But interspersed with the naysayer voice is one of “just maybe…” Just maybe she could visit me in PE, just maybe I could find a job in San Francisco, just maybe we could elope and disappear into the wild on crazy adventures. I like these thoughts. I am tired of being the cynical naysayer, a whinger, a whiner. I choose to love this life, and experience what it has to offer me with the most positive lens I can create. It is fun to play with these ideas; play in a fundamental sense, to try them on, to play with their configurations, to project forward all sorts of weird and wonderful stories for our futures.

I think to myself how she might think I’m crazy, but then realize I don’t much care, and even if that were so I have then mistaken her for someone she is not. Which I don’t think is the case. The best part is how I am able to to not have any expectations, to not hold onto any one future too tightly, but rather to try them all on equally. No feelings of sadness or frustration, just acknowledgement of the state of things and their potential paths.

I realize then that I have matured somewhat, at least in reference to old Logan. How much sadness and fear and dread would he have felt, harping on about how unfair life is “to giveth and to taketh away, why even bother giving in the first place!” I now choose to see every experience as something giving, something from which to learn and grow; in essence life is constantly giving and your reaction to its gifts are completely your own choice.

I love that we can talk endlessly, but also have intermissions of sublimely serene silence, just looking at each, seeing each other, soaking each other up. Whether I see her again or not, Anne will forever be found in my ever expanding and ever overflowing heart. She retriever-waggled her way in in record time, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sparkly browns stare lovingly and inquisitively back at me; she is as amazed and incredulous at this meeting as I am, both of us fully aware of exactly what is transpiring. I think it is safe to say I love her, but cultural norms and social dogma keep the words locked up inside me. She knows. I know she knows. It’s as if telekinesis comes standard with us, two peas of a pod, a connection science has yet to comprehend. I wonder if I will see her again. I truly, truly hope so.