Why I, as an autistic, can’t use social media

I haven’t been able to write much of late. Things have not been going well for me. Despite my best efforts at warding off the kinds of ableism that I talked about in other posts like my one on Grind Culture, I have truly succumbed to the ableist agendas I often rail against.

That, and I moved from a place that wasn’t treating me well and probably actively contributed to what I just described.

i just thought I should get that out of the way, because it’s been on my mind and I perhaps owe an explanation for why I haven’t been on here, assuming anyone really cares.

But back to the topic at hand.

I, as an Autistic person, cannot use social media in any meaningful way. I try, and the results are devastating. I have been blocked, I have been banned from groups, I have caused rifts in my relationships, and most importantly, I have spurred on mental health crises simply by opening up any number of apps.

I say that I cannot use it as an autistic person, because the way I communicate and express myself, the way I relate to people, as an autistic person, is highly concrete in nature. I need to be face to face with someone, in order to understand the complexities of social interaction. I need to see their face, hear their voice, I need to know what they are doing and how they are feeling, because I simply cannot gauge any aspect of the relationship in most cases of online interaction. Besides my friend in Poland, and maybe a handful of other people, I just do not have that connection or the ability to maintain an online presence. My whole life, I thought that social media was to be taken at face value. After all, if people are going to put their life story out there, why would it be curated? Why would people enlarge their life to Imax levels of grandiosity simply because? Moreover, if I am to see other people’s life stories being propelled forth in this grandiose manner, then of course I’m going to compare myself to them. A friend of mine told me the other day that social media is binary, that it leaves no room for grey. I already view life in binary terms, which is altogether too simplistic but it eliminates the need to actually think through social situations which I find exhausting and seems to take me a long time to do. Most people can talk to someone and they can infer, they can make reasonable assumptions, they can go through all the variables in a heartbeat. I have to slow myself down to do all that. So of course when someone posts about an award, about a graduation, about a trip to Peru, or whatever, I automatically go to the default mode of, “Wow, they have it made and I have nothing!”

And don’t get me started about online chats like discord. Platforms like that are disastrous because there are no controls. In an in person situation, there are controls. There are factors that can hinder or further a relationship or interaction. I can determine whether the person is angry. Whether the person is interested. Whether I need to step in and do something in the first place(that last one is hard for me, partially because I need to slow down and also because social media erodes that ability in me.)

I can’t do that when I am on these platforms. And even worse, when I get lonely, there is nothing stopping me from tearing into these chats with monologues and unhinged rants.

And yet, I go back to them. Part of that is a societal expectation thing. Something like, “Everyone else is doing it so why shouldn’t I?” and part of it is an addictive thing. I long for social interaction and when I can’t get it I start to feel all kinds of negative feelings. I just don’t like being by myself and I don’t know what to do with my own feelings at times.

When I have been away from social media or even electronics at large, I notice that my ability to process social interactions becomes slower, more natural. I am more pleasant, at ease, not cued in to every little detail and every little hint of nuance.

I am a better person, in short.