I Could Only

Have you ever feel in love? Have you ever felt lost trying to find love? Have you ever been broken? Have you ever lived a life not worth living ? A lot of questions , everyone sarcastically can answer but truthfully can’t bear the reality of their actual reality.

I can be just another person trying to find myself in the midst of losing myself. How does it feel to be in love ? I don’t know , I haven’t been in love or did I? Loving someone is easy, at the start, it’s always euphoric , always happy. A happiness that can’t be contained in your own little functional heart. Being in love is the most precious feeling anyone could ever felt. But loving is just a starting point to a more broader sense. I lost myself trying to find love, when love shouldn’t be search for. Being in love is a lot different from just merely being in a relationship. You become a lyricist , you become a poet , you become a writer because through it , the words written reflects your darkest deepest struggles of being understood when no one else can ever understand the logic of love.

Seeing you is like looking at those beautiful messy stars scattered around the dark skies , brightly shining giving you the light but those stars they long died. It’s like our love, it was beautiful until it died. For you it long died, for me , I’m dying inside every night watching those stars die on its own. And now I’m writing my own little frustrations not to seek attention but to look for answers maybe I could give to myself by throwing all piece of what if’s back to myself.

The past haunts me everyday, yes, it tires me up everyday. Anyone can give love to me but I’m longing for that love that you and I have or used to have. And then I close my heart to the possibility of loving again. I lost interest to everything , I tried to but I can’t focus knowing that I can’t undo my mistakes. I try to deny you , I try to neglect you because I thought I was protecting you from everything that could harm you but we got lost along the way. And it was me who fell into the deep hole of agony, a black hole that keeps destroying my being.

Now, how does it feel to be in love with someone who have fallen out of love ? It’s like rewinding all goodbyes and I’m gonna let you go every seconds of your life. You can always rewind but just rewind. I could only rewind.

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