This is a recording of my satori.
- A caveat.
- Why i’m writing this.
- What happened.
1. A caveat.
I’m not a Buddhist guy (maybe I should say I wasn’t a buddhist guy…), I knew nothing about Buddhism or satori or anything remotely like it, until after this thing happened to me. However I am writing this for people that are interested in satori, so be prepared to read this with the caveat that I picked up almost everything I know about Buddhism and satori from wikipedia. If you don’t know what satori is then this probably isn’t for you.
2. Why I’m writing this.
I had this thing happen to me in one instant, and I really felt like Roddy Piper in ‘They Live’ when he gets the sunglasses that let him see the aliens. I felt like running down the street and shouting ‘Does anyone else see this?’, it took me a few days of weirding out my friends before I realised that it’s really, really, really hard to communicate this event to people that have not experienced it or at least studied the idea of satori or awakening.
So I was pretty confused and felt very alone, but I googled a lot and found an article about awakening. I read it and realised the interviewee (an enlightened Buddhist expert, Kenneth Folk) would know what had happened to me and I had a skype with him, and he gave me a good overview of what this was, and a list of books and resources to learn more about this.
I don’t want to write this all down because of ego. Once this incident happened to me, I saw all of the ego-trappings of my life laid bare. Facebook, reddit, twitter, I just deleted everything instantly, it was such a mindless waste of time. Another reason not to write anything is highlighted in this quote from the article above;
The argument against disclosure has been, “Well, we don’t want to indoctrinate the yogis. We don’t want them to just start coming up and parroting these phenomena, these experiences, or pretending to be enlightened.”
Despite these issues, I want to write down a record of my satori, because if there are other people out there I think it would help to read over another’s experience, and also for people interested in trying to force this to happen, maybe there are some clues here to send you in the right direction. And I agree with Kenneth Folk’s answer to that quote, I don’t think this is something that can be faked very well.
3. What happened.
In a nutshell, this is what happened (I will go into more detail in later posts). I was just a normal guy, working, living, reacting to life. I had never thought about the mind, or consciousness or meditation in any deep way. One day, I was reading a certain book that explained in depth how vision works, how we do not see what we see, we see what we know to be there. As I read a certain part of the book, I had an incredible realisation. I didn’t just understand this idea, I really got it in a very deep way. As this awareness hit me, I suddenly felt like… I can only describe it as falling out of myself. I felt like I suddenly was outside myself, seeing all of the sensory and emotional things that were happening to me.
I felt like I had just woken up from the dream of my life, and suddenly I was aware and capable of acting in a new, extremely aware way. Many things changed hugely within me.
In the following days, I found that I could almost watch emotions happening to me. Someone would say something that used to annoy me, and I would literally be able to see the reaction, and think ‘oh, that was something that would annoy me’, and then just let the emotion go.
I felt as if all the parts of my personality had suddenly fallen into balance. I felt deeply at ease and at peace.
I also found at one point, that I could mediate very easily. I had tried to meditate in my life prior to this, perhaps 5 times in total. I had never succeeded even remotely being able to silence my inner voice, but after this incident, I could almost meditate at any time in any surroundings.
This all probably sounds totally bullshit, and I wouldn’t believe anyone saying all of this, but since then I have read a lot and talked to some people about what this is, and I have now doubt that this incident was a moment of satori. And knowing that it happened to me, means it must happen to other people, and I think I would like to lay out my story here for people that are out there, that can recognise this and understand what this is.