Here’s my big question: What did it add to your day to write comments that used pronouns someone…
Rachel Feltman

Happy to explain. I did refer to Ms. Escobar by “Ms. Escobar” in multiple responses, so there’s that. I don’t know her so I wouldn’t want to refer to her by her given name, generally.

Ms. Escobar is a woman, speaking both biologically and societally. If you look up the definition of gender, she meets the criteria as a woman from all reasonable assumptions. She self identifies as a woman in writing pre-dating this one and her (column?) is titled ‘femsplaining’ (i think), as well as having a snapchat handle of “Samethecatlady.” So you’ll understand if I decline to indulge her delusion that she’s not a woman.

If my commenting to let Ms. Escobar know that she has a delusion and should seek help for said delusion, made her day worse then she has far bigger problems than her delusion. Adults choose how to feel in response to the words of others (especially strangers) and she shouldn’t be bothered by them. That was the thrust of my point — if she’s concerned about the pronouns her friends use when she’s not around, she has a serious issue, or is attention seeking. Neither is a good thing.

I declined to refer to Ms. Escobar as “they/them” not to inflict discomfort, but because she’s not a they or a them. A look at more of Ms. Escobar’s writing will show that she hasn’t chosen to adhere to her own advice (previous to this column), of discovering someone’s gender before referring them to them as a he/him, she/her. To encourage her fantasy and utilize incorrect language would be disingenuous of me.

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