“I worry sometimes that many of my friends don’t use “they” and “them” to refer to me when I’m not around.”
Sweet Georgia Brown! If you have lady parts, it’s normal, and right, that people would refer to you as “her/she” and further, what could you possibly care what people say in reference to you when you’re not around?
I imagine they’re saying “she’s completely insufferable” when you’re not around. It’s not a joke, you really should seek psychological help. For your own sake. Call yourself the grand poohbah of spaghetti-western Alaska, for all anyone cares. Just don’t expect others to obsess over your identity like you do. Which, let’s be honest, is pretty much just a cry for attention.