Beauty in Disguise

Me, Myself, and I

Imagine walking into a room full of people and they all have their eye on you.

You don’t realize it at first, but they are all staring for a reason that you can’t put your finger on. It is like just in that very moment you are the center of attention, but not in the way that you have hoped for.

I had to face the staring and the pointing countless times ever since I can remember. It is something that had a very big impact on me and the way I perceive myself.

But of course, it wasn’t always this way.

For those of you that do know me, which most you probably do not, I have a birthmark on my left cheek. It is the size no bigger than a dime. As to your surprise, I wasn’t born with “it.” My mom always told me that when I was about 2 months old, “it” appeared on my face and she thought “it” was a piece of chocolate.

My birthmark started to come in, then a little deeper, a little darker, and then to what you see now, and it hasn’t changed since.

Growing up I never really thought about “it”, and sometimes I would forget that “it” was there. I always told myself that I had something that not many people have and I always thought I was lucky because of “it.”

Until middle school. Middle school was every kids’ nightmare and so it was mine too.

I was terrified.

Terrified that kids would look at me differently.

Terrified because I didn’t want them to look at me and think that I was weird.

You won’t believe it if I told you about how many times I got bullied for “it.” All the way from “what is that,” to “what’s on her face?” and even all the way to “it looks like a bird shitted on her face.”

I know many kids said other things behind my back, but unfortunately, those were just some of the things that I heard, and then continued to hear throughout my life.

Going out in public was a whole other story. I’ve had people stare at me, I had people point “it” out, and above all I even had someone talking in Spanish about “it.” Even still, at my age now, I see people staring and I hear many things about “it.”

“It” affected me in a way that I can’t describe it.

“It” affected me so bad that I didn’t realize how bad it was actually getting to me.

I always was known as the happy, confident person, but in reality, I was a very sad and scared person. I didn’t want others to see how sad and how scared I was, so I hid it with happiness and with confidence.

Whenever I would try and talk to someone about “it,” I would get sympathy and sorrow. But always, in the end, they would tell me that everything was going to be okay, and that they were sorry.

Hearing that was never good enough for me.

I needed more answers than “I’m sorry.”

I was forced to face the fact that I would never be able to get the right answers to my problems because I never knew anyone who was going through the same thing as me.

Being me, it was harder than I expected.

I didn’t know how to stop myself from thinking bad thoughts, I didn’t know how to stop crying when someone said something about “it,” and above all I didn’t know what to do.

With lower self-esteem, with being very self-conscious, I was afraid. I was afraid to show people the real me because I believed they only saw “it.”

As I got older, I’ve learned that I am who I am because of my birthmark, excuse me, BEAUTY mark.

I became willing to love myself, more than ever before, I had to learn to accept my beauty mark, and I begun to love myself for who I am, not what I have.

I became more comfortable, happy, and healthy.

I use to work myself up over what people said about my beauty mark. I use to be afraid to try new things or go to new places because I didn’t want anyone to stare or talk about my beauty mark.

I didn’t have good thoughts about myself, and I desperately had to get out of the dark place that I was trapped in. It took me awhile, but I finally realized that the dark place that I was trapped in, was something that I didn’t want to be a part of anymore.

I have no shame to admit that I had dark mindset.

The shame that I was feeling was being afraid to show the real me because the real me is my beauty mark.

My beauty mark makes me stand out in this world, it gives me a chance to show my true potential, and now I can finally understand and finally say that my true beauty is my beauty mark on my left cheek.

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