Do you have a problem saying sorry?
“I’m sorry”, “I’m sorry”, “Urgh, why do I have to say I’m sorry?” We hear those words all of the time. Those two words are some of the most powerful words that people can say or not say to someone you love; someone you care for; someone you share responsibility with. Why would you want to apologize if you did something wrong? Well there are few reasons why — that I think.
Follow me with the scenario of, for 1 — If you are having an heated argument with someone that you love and you say some things , they say some things and the conversations goes a little too far. Now you may not mean everything that you said. You were mad and you said it at that time. Argument is over, you go your way, they go their way, you’re still mad. What does it take to bring you all back together?
An apology right? So no one actually ever initiate that apology especially that person that’s mature enough to take responsibility to say, “You know what, I was wrong and I am going to take responsibility because I care for your feelings and say I’m sorry”. Did you notice the key word? Care for your feelings. Now it is impossible to really genuinely date someone and not care for their feelings; not care what’s going on with them throughout the day. What’s going on with them and how they feel from your conversation.
As a person that loves another person, you take on a responsibility to be responsible for how another person views you; takes on the things that you say; their interpretation.
Now let’s be real, interpretation is different from person to person but in a conversation you’re responsible for making sure that you’re clear and concise and if you fall into a place where you say something that is offensive or hurtful to that other person, you care enough to just simply say, I’m sorry and not in a passive sarcastic way like, “You know I’m sorry, why I gotta say it? You know I’m sorry”. No. But in the compassionate way that lets them know that you truly understand how they’re feeling and how that may have hurt them and you don’t mean to do that to them because you genuinely love them. “I’m sorry”.
So let’s talk about what could possibly keep you from saying I’m sorry. Well pride, ego! Because you feel that you are going to lose something if you’re wrong. You feel that you’re going to lose something if you actually say I’m sorry.
“I’ll be vulnerable, they’ll know that I’m wrong, they’ll think this way about me, that’ll make me weak”. Really? All of those thoughts that are coming up in your head, you have to think about what does it really cost you. Now you can be right. You could not say you’re sorry and leave that person emotionally broken from what you just said. And then they start to develop and build walls around you all conversations and now it’s pushing you all further and further apart and then you look up: you’re communication is broken; the love that you all shared is not as tight as it used to be and that’s because, you’re always right. That’s what you wanted right?
“Hey, I meant to say what I said to them. It’s the truth, they needed to hear it”. You may be right, they do. But it’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. You have to know the person that you’re talking to and know how they receive information the best.
Some people can be a straight shooter — nice, direct, give it to me. Other people you may have to sugar coat it. Yes it maybe a little annoying but again what does it cost you? At the end of the day you want to have a productive, flourishing, loving, nurturing relationship. Personal, professional, intimate, kids, whatever it is, it needs to be a relationship that moves along and you don’t want fear to stop it. You don’t want pride to stop it; you don’t want ego to stop it.
Two words that really hold so much weight but cost nothing to give up. I’m sorry, can make a world of a difference. I heard men say, she never says I’m sorry, she’s always right. I’ve heard women say, he never says I’m sorry, he’s always right. It’s not saying one does it more than the other but you need to take a look and evaluate — are you one of those people?
Are you one of those people that feel that, “Hey they know how I feel I don’t have to say I’m sorry. They know I didn’t mean that, toughen up”. Or do you really care about what they think? Do you really know that you were wrong? Do you really know the saying I’m sorry doesn’t tangibly cost you anything?
This is Kaptivating Konversations, my name of course is Mattie Zarena Whitfield. Don’t forget to comment below. Has the fear of change ever affected your relationships in unexpected ways? I would love to hear your story.
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