Does Your Past Have Power?
Love and respect are essential in a long, dedicated, authentic relationship. But to reach real and authentic love, we have to be willing to forgive the mistakes of the past and let it go.
This week we have a question from one of our viewers. She and her partner are both in a very long, dedicated relationship. They have even talked about taking the next step and getting married. However, one of the man’s friends decided to drop some information on him, and now their plans are threatened by an issue that happened ten years ago. How do people forgive and find love again in a situation like this? Let’s talk about it.
Get It Out. Starting off, the thing that affected these two did happen ten years ago… but they apparently never addressed it and forgiven it in those ten years.
That’s a long time to sweep something under a rug. The problem with rugs is they have only so much space. Then as the little things you sweep pile up.. you start to notice. You start tripping over the bulge. You see it every time you come in the room. One wrong step and you have a BIG mess everywhere! To top it off… the room is never truly a ‘clean’ room. It is a room with an unresolved mess hidden in plain sight ready to start trouble.
Don’t sweep things under a rug. Sweep them up and get them out of your relationship. It’s better to deal with a problem from the start so that you can forgive and focus on the love in the relationship- not the mistakes.
Trust and Protect Your Partner. No one is perfect. It’s impossible for someone to never make a mistake in a relationship. While she indeed made a mistake ten years ago, it was ten years ago. It should have been something to resolve in private. She isn’t angry that he found out. She’s angry and hurt because he let his friends talk about her. He didn’t protect her by dropping the conversation with them and keeping any discussion about it private. He might have been took shocked or surprised, or maybe he didn’t know what to do at the time. But her trust in him was damaged nonetheless. On top of that, his trust in her was damaged, because she did no open up to him about the issue and he had to find out about it from someone else. She didn’t protect him from being blindsided by the bomb his friends dropped in his lap.
When you are in a relationship, you are putting your heart in their hands, and asking them to put their heart in yours. You have to know you can trust and be trusted by the other person. That’s when hurts can heal and love can grow.
Forgive and Forget. He came at her for something that happened a decade ago, but she responded with a list of things he did wrong over the years as well. Our hearts can not truly forgive something with we hold onto the hurt and bitterness it caused. To truly forgive something, we have to let it go. No using it as leverage in the next fight. No stewing over it when things are less than perfect. As long as we hold onto an issue, the problems of the past will continue to affect the joy and happiness of our present.
Once we let something go, truly let it go, it has no emotional hold on us. It doesn’t build up with today’s problem or taint the good things with it’s ugliness. It’s only when we can forgive and let go of the past that we can approach something in authentic love.
So how about you? Do you have something in your past to forgive so that you can truly and authentically love again?
.Be sure to share this video with everyone you know, and join us next week for our next Kaptivating Konversation about the things you want to talk about.