Recently I have realised how interactions of a flirty or romantic nature utterly exhaust me. At first I didn’t think much of it but soon it turned into me making mental risk analysis’s for any many who talked to me. Within 5 minutes I could decide how many minutes of my life to waste on further interactions. At one point I remember being surprised that my colleague was in a fully functioning relationship, “HOWWWWW” squealed the voice in my head?. After many hours of research (avec Tinder and my friends) I have come up with this theory, many of us are suffering from romance fatigue.
So what is romance fatigue (RF)? It is the feeling of being unable to interact with potential mates due to the leftover fatigue from prior relationships, also known as dormant baggage. Unlike traditional baggage , dormant baggage does not cause friction within a relationship but during the “talking stage”. Case in point, I started talking to a guy recently, by the end of the first day I was tired, I couldn’t bear the thought of this going on. I had critiqued the meaning of his significant use of audio notes, the shy monkey emoji and the fact that he had sent me a video of himself just talking. In the back of my mind I know my rejection of him were superficial but in reality they were symptoms of a larger realisation, that I was in no shape for a relationship because of I had no interest to get to know another person.
Another symptom of RF is the storage of large amounts of information about people you dated before. What they enjoyed eating, visiting, their favourite series and so on. All this information coupled with the shared memories of ex’s clog up the emotion canal (found between your spinal cord and tail bone), and makes it harder if not outright distasteful to make new memories with someone else. Interactions, phrases or even actions will have us comparing and contrasting new boo and old boo. More importantly we have to begin our cycle of sharing ourselves with a whole new person all over again. Share childhood memories and trauma, the stories of first-times and favourite family members all over again.
I notice that many people who have RF seem to available, they will make the right motions but soon enough their emotional unavailability becomes apparent. They are here for a good time not a long time or no time at all really. A friend recently said that if his latest relationship doesn't work out he will be emotionally unavailable for 3–5 years. It makes sense though, it takes time to erase the memories and build up enthusiasm for a relationship again.Our excitement factor dies a little, no more butterflies and very little anticipation. We become soo jaded.
More and more each day I wonder how social media impacts our lives and when it comes to relationships it is now major player in the field. I wonder if our ability to reach, interact and date people at the click of a button is adding to this growing dissatisfaction. Do we not spend enough time getting to know each other? Do we jump to other potentials because we become insecure or bored? Are we making romance and relationships disposable? I don’t have the answers, this is SATC and I am not Carrie Brandshaw. This is just musings of a girl on twitter.
All scientific information shared in this piece is categorically false.