Dance a little dance. Mambo style.

I find certain routines quite dull. For example, the toilet routine is fairly boring and keeping in line with modern day habits, my smart phone usually lets me use the time to catch up on sports scores.

For others, like Mambo, this routine has become an art piece. Mambo has chosen dancing as his MO to express how much he enjoys using the outdoor facilities.

Mambo does a little dance.

It starts with one. One step to the right and then another to the left. Then a little backtrack to where he started and then an eloquently executed spin. And then he is back where started at. Strange.

Mambo then hits the toilet routine with a look that means business. I think it is a survival instinct, I am not sure, but I think so. Like the alarm doors at various stores, Mambo’s look acts as a scanner to find out if any potential threats are hiding anywhere close. This is usually pointless, for Mambo picks scenic places to take care of his business. At least he has that going for him.

We are now about 30 seconds into his routine and 27 seconds ago I reached for the waterproof poop bag. Clearly, I am not picking up on the fact that again I took the bag out about 60 to 75 seconds too early. We still have dancing rounds 2 and 3 to contend with today! Let the games begin.

Round 2 involves executing the same moves as in round 1 but at more metered pace. Once that is complete, Mambo needs to in 3 out of 4 cases move further South from his initial point of contact with the grass. This is due to various reasons but mostly it is to do with the fact that there is one strand of grass that is poking him in the wrong place and that will not do for him. The “chosen” spot needs to be free from all encumbrances. If it is not, it simply will not do for his highness. Fair enough, even I have two toilets to choose from at home.

After giving the first spot, in true likeness to Donald Trump, the “you’re fired” message, Mambo finds spot number 2. Now, to my eye and it is about 3 feet away from me, I do not spot any differences in the two spots. I am still an amateur after many years of practice and clearly there is something that I have not yet picked up upon. For Mambo, it is a life and death situation. Spot 2 usually passes muster, but it is not a 100% certainty. If I were to arrange a betting facility for this, I think sometimes people would lose a lot of money. Spot 3 generally wins.

If spot 2 wins, the journey is still only at about the halfway mark. After 45 seconds, I have been holding the waterproof bag for far too long. It is now ingrained on my forehead, that picking up your dogs waste will save the world from fine things like e.coli. I bet you have also been wanting to know this fascinating fact! As the bag starts to weigh heavy in my hand, Mambo is spinning around like the roulette wheel at the casino. Usually, my bet is on about 4 or 5 (being the number of miniature bananas to pick up) but I have been hit with a number as high as 8. I would never, in this game of poop roulette, bet on my favorite roulette number 26. It never happens!

Next, and after what I suspect is a bout of motion sickness due to excessive spinning, Mambo starts to slowly settle down and points his compass towards the most open view. At this point one would think we are near the final moment of impact. You could not be further from the truth, as with about 30 seconds to go until final impact, Mambo starts to lift up one leg after the other. It looks like he is climbing up stationary steps but he is not really getting anywhere. This lasts for about 10 to 15 seconds. Mambo then gets ready for the final required routines. It looks a bit like the gymnastics events at the Olympics, with a difficulty score of 9.8.

Slowly and, I mean at a crawling speed, Mambo arches his back and takes the perfect shape to complete his business. It is rather precise each time he sits in his position, the final pose always looks the same. I will give him credit for perfecting his craft.

Ultimately, I get to use the waterproof bag and Mambo, now fully satisfied and slightly lighter, sprints off in another direction. I generally brace myself for impact and do not even attempt to big up my roulette winnings until Mambo stops and stares at me, with a look that says: “What are you doing, surely you can leave it there for me or some other dog to sniff and maybe even munch on at a later point?”

My reply is: “No way, even I get to save the world from e.coli everyday!”

There are many more stories to tell but it is all part of my #samoyedlife.