Clearly I’m a fan – I love your prose and opinions in much the same way I love what Allison Washington writes. I love your pragmatism, especially around issues of our transness, if only I could be so pragmatic.
Dear Natasha,
Stephanie Longden
33

Thanks Stephanie :) I think my spouse would laugh at your description of me as a pragmatist (although it is what I strive for in many ways). I think it comes from trying to be as realistic as possible about what this life is and then just living. I’ve been able to find some measure of wisdom as I grow older (I hope).

As to parental names, it is a tricky bit to navigate because there are a number of people involved and differing mindsets about it. I know gay couples who are both “Dad” and lesbian couples who are both “Mom” and when people speak to my kids about me and my spouse, they refer to us as their Moms, or to me individually as their Mom and generally we don’t correct them (the kids don’t either) because we don’t feel the pressing need to do Trans 101 when it’s not necessary. For my kids part, I let them decide what to call me (much like the name Moppa, it was not my preference, but unlike Maura, I have no desire to be called Mom…I accept the love that comes with my children’s selection).

I know trans women who wish to be called Mom and if that works for them and theirs, who am I to tell them otherwise (and vice versa). I think having a specific signifier for a parent who is trans may not be the best of ideas because it requires outing the parent and, to be fair, I did not want to be called Daddy for that very reason.

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