My wonderful journey to earning $0.00 on Medium.

By doing fuck all.

Nabeel Tahir
May 12 · 3 min read
Photo by Kat Yukawa on Unsplash

Dear Person who once told me to follow my dreams,

Once upon a time, I sat in my dreary office; looking outside at the wonderful world and the people that encompass it.

Full of freedom and joy.

People dancing under the moonlight, people holding hands, people making out, people laughing, people crying, etc. etc.

It dawned on me;

A youtube video of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson lifting more iron than the bloodstream of my entire office floor, motivated me to finally “wake up” — take a look around, son.

I did take a look around, I saw misery, air-conditioning, and free coffee.

…and some leftover doughnuts (except I’m on a diet).

I got up. Kicked my chair (OUCH! That hurt)…

And resigned.

Wrote about it on Medium — and viola!

As though God above had opened the doors to virtual clappery clap clap clapping heaven — it was raining green.

Every time I refreshed my stats, a few green notification would appear — letting me know “You made the right call, buddy boy!”.

I even thanked the publishers and sent a personal thank you note to the editors;

— they never replied. But I felt they too shared my enthusiasm.

I replied to every comment, tapping that clap button like I was tapping my bank account.

The moneys were rolling in.

Embroiled in this new-found wisdom, I continued…

And then…

Some day…

I accidentally decided…

I should probably start writing about shit I actually believe in.

And oh, little did naive Nabeel know — you don’t ever do that.

If Liam Neeson had taught me anything; you can be punished for your thoughts, young man.

And down the shitter went my stats.

Like falling off the Himalayas and landing into a puddle of wet cow farts.

I was now back at home — living with my parents.

Lifting…things.

Cleaning…things.

But most of all…typing words.

Words that were no longer worth the shiny “star-value” they once was.

For Jessica Valenti and Kristin Wong had decided — they had exclusive connections to the Medium Editorial Staff.

And measles like me had no place on it.

And thus became my undoing.

A Success; once a Star born and featured weekly…

To a low-life writing about Porn and Masturbation and Celibacy.

And Tomatoes.

It appeared now, what had always been clearly obvious.

“I’m not Dwayne Johnson, and neither am I Jessica Valenti…”

I’m just…a dude with 400 followers and garbage opinions that are no longer welcome on this once holy platform.

And thus we bid farewell.

To a journey worth-while.

A journey ranging from $500.00 to $0.00.

A journey that was never meant to be the destination.

A journey…that reminded me; never piss of the Editors of Medium.

Nabeel Tahir

Written by

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain. https://paypal.me/nabeeltahir