Blow a kiss, fire a gun! we need someone to lean on.
“Do you recall, not long ago
We would walk on the sidewalk
Innocent, remember?
All we did was care for each other
But the night was warm
We were bold and young
All around the wind blows
We would only hold on to let go
Blow a kiss, fire a gun
We need someone to lean on
Blow a kiss, fire a gun
All we need is somebody to lean on”
That really got me in the groove to write this post about women at work. More specifically around one of the questions I get asked all the time “Naby how do you do it?” and with the most puzzled expression on my face I always think …“is that a compliment? or “ do they think I am absolutely nuts”. I often reply
“I dunno…a girl’s gotta do what she gotta do”
Last week I finally got around to reading Sheryl Sandberg’s very insightful book “ Lean in” . I have to say there were numerous times , while I was reading it, I thought to myself..
“you go girlfriend, I totally get what you are saying”
I first saw her Ted talk few years ago and showed it to my class discussing gender discrimination at work place and how far we came applauding all the success women has had at the workplace, yet how slow the progress has been for women. Why do we still have to preface “woman” in front of leaders or managers as if we deserve extra treatment.
I came across this article which listed the most loved CEOs in America . Top companies were listed with the likes of Google ( OK google, nice logo and congratulations on alphabet, reminds me of the pasta…maybe google is trying to be all hipsterish!), Nike and Facebook to just name a few( yes, this is completely biased based on my preference). Out of the 50, not a single female made it to the list. How can that be possible!!! It’s not like men got to earth before women did. ( maybe they did…but that is a whole different debate). Humanity would not even come this far without women. We all know that women are absolutely fabulous but not fabulous enough to make this list? go figure…
In Sheryl’s book she talks about some of the challenges that women face at work place and a bit of insight into why we are where we are. What I got out of her book was, the underlying issues of our failures in the workplace has a lot to do with culture and society but most importantly we are the root cause issue! It has everything to do with the way we think, the way we act, self doubt, trying to be a superwoman, not doing it ourselves, lying to ourselves, quitting, and suppressing it all!
Sheryl puts it a bit more eloquently under these headings. I am not gonna go into details of each of those chapters. But you get the idea…
1.The leadership Ambition Gap
2. Sit at the table
3. Success and likability
4. Its a jungle Gym, Not a ladder
5. Are you my Mentor
6. Seek and speak the truth
7. Don’t leave before you leave
8. Make your partner a real partner
9. The myth of doing it all
10. Lets talk about it
11. working together toward equality
Lean in or lean on?
Can women have it all ? No we can’t .Sometimes I get so confused because of all the hats I have to wear everyday, I am a woman, girl, mother, daughter, sister, friend, partner, chef, cleaner, garbage girl, delivery person, soccer mum, lover, ambitious career focused woman and the list goes on.
SO many days I pick my son from school come home and say to him“ sorry baby, Mummy’s got a lot of work to do tonight can you please be a good boy for me” He would then nod and get to his Minecraft. Suddenly my heart gets filled with so much guilt. Between making dinner and stressing about lunch for next day, signing 10 different notes from school on this and that excursion (don’t they have an app for that, why do they still give notes)…I would skim through the notes and my son would say “mum you didn’t even read it!” I would just smile and say “how about you read it to me because I love listening to you” and count the few hours that I have left in the night to do everything that I need to get done.
Somehow I will find an hour to sit and relax and it is almost midnight!It all starts again in about 6 hours….never ending cycle.
I realised that I was trying to do way too much , but to impress who? Why am I trying so hard to do everything and achieve perfection. Why do i set unrealistic standards for myself. I had to choose what was most important for me, set my priorities right. That also meant putting my Phd on hold and taking a time out, slowing down few projects that I wanted to complete, not being able stay late at work to put in that extra little bit.
The best thing that I found was my “person” whom I can lean on. Sometimes that “person” can be your best friend, a girl friend , a family member or a colleague at work, a neighbor and/or your boy friend/partner/ husband. Once you have someone to lean on…leaning in becomes a lot easier!
Blow a Kiss, fire a gun …all we need is somebody to lean on!
