Get your ass Kicked!….first
“If you are not in the Arena also getting your ass kicked , I am not interested in your feedback “ Dr. Brené Brown
I am sure you have all seen the famous ted talk by Brené Brown on vulnerability which went absolutely viral in 2010. I came across this and loved it so much that I have been following her work for a while. She then did the “listening to shame” talk. This was an absolutely life changing talk . I have to say, apart from doing kick ass research, she is a brilliant story teller too. I am not here to write a bio for for her though , there is a much better version here.
Critics- The double sided coin
In our lives, we are constantly judged and criticized, for our work, the things that we do, the choices that we make and the list goes on. We all know that criticism and feedback is good and can be helpful. We rarely talk about the dark side of feedback which is disguised as “ soul killer”. I have been on both sides of this battle…I am also mindful that when I do give feedback I am not being a “ soul killer”. But how do you know that you are not being the soul killer. It is an amazing position to be in, to to be able to give input into other peoples work. It can be quite rewarding.
As Creatives who are passionate about making new things,often times we are questioned and misunderstood. We are then left with our work and we start questioning and not really understanding how to deal with this work. It takes time and a lot of balls to look the critic in the eye and tell yourself that…
“ You know what, I will still stay true to what I believe in despite your opinion”
Yes Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. The perspiration can only continue if you can learn how to handle your critics. My favorite part of the talk on “ why your critics aren’t the ones who count” is the part where Brené talks about how we should focus on the critics and be ready for it. I often think when I get criticized, should I stop what I am doing because of the critics? and then what? what do I do after that? Stopping is just not an option as it does not align with my values. Does stopping makes me happy? The answer is no. This is what makes me wanna get out of bed, yes it is hard! But I need to still keep going. Get up, put some red lipstick on and show up! Not many people can do that. If you are that person getting up every day over and over again, Kudos to you. You are getting your ass totally kicked and that is amazing. Get it kicked more and more. Get it kicked by Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee, John cena or the Rock! Get it kicked damn hard.
6 Seats that you should reserve in the Arena
- Critics- They will say shit you don’t wanna hear, so be ready.
- Shame- This person will turn up with no invitation.
- Comparison- They are the gate crashers who will ruin your party.
- Scarcity- This one is dangerous but kinda useful.
- Your person- This is the head of your tribe.
- You- Without this person shit just ain’t possible.
So if you happen to be a critic, whether you are joining a conversation on twitter, Facebook, a panel discussion and or face to face feedback. Think about your role as a critic! Be responsible and do your role well. Kick ass at giving feedback.
Magical ways on how to not be a soul Killer!
- Think before you give feedback on how you can help the the other person
- Keep your feedback objective and compassionate
- Why are you saying what you are saying?
- Do you really need to say it? Is this gonna make you feel better about yourself? if that is the case just don’t say it.
- Give feedback followed by recommendations.
- Don’t make it personal
- Do not Ever go into character assassination mode. Just no!
- Take the time to understand the whole story before making assumptions.
- Think how you would feel if someone said that you. Because feelings count!
- Feedback is supposed to help the other person become a better version not to fill them with doubt and shame.
To all the people who are getting up every day and getting in the frikkin arena! Remind your self that you are not showing up to win. You are showing up because that is what you want to do.
If you have got your ass kicked by anyone, hit the ❤ and share to show how much you love getting your ass kicked! You can also follow me on twitter :)