The 5 Love Languages: Can We Rely on This?
The 5 Love Languages has been a topic among us. People love talking about what they love to receive and how they express love.
People, including you, might find it interesting to know if your love language is Quality Time, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, or Words of Affirmation. You might have taken the quiz before or going to try the quiz afterward.
But do you ever wonder, is this idea valid? Is the reliability of this idea certain?
Well, let us see the background of this idea.
The idea of The 5 Love Languages was proposed by an American writer, anthropologist, and pastor, Dr. Gary Chapman. One of his famous books, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” has been sold over 14 million copies worldwide.
Chapman got the idea from couples that are consulting their matters. As to that, Chapman summarized that people express and receive love in the five ways aforementioned: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation.
Here’s a quick explanation for you.
1. Quality Time
The point of this language is to give undivided attention to someone we love.
For instance, a dad once had a conversation with his child. The child vigorously told his father about how his school went. Concurrently, his father was hearing, but his eyes were busy on his phone. That means the father doesn’t give his child undivided attention.
2. Acts of Service
The service can be anything we do to our loved ones, even the smallest thing. In the “Focus on the Family” talkshow on Youtube, Chapman said that the service could also be helping our loved ones grow and learn for their sake in the future.
For example, a mom assisting her daughter to bake some cookies or a dad helping his son to repair his own bicycle.
3. Receiving Gifts
The gift is not always the expensive one or even not always a “thing.”
As Chapman said in the same talkshow, the gift could be a pretty rock we took from the yard and then gave it to our child. If the child’s love language is receiving gifts, they will keep it and ten or twenty years later they will look at it,
“This is the pretty rock my dad gave me when I was six.”
4. Physical Touch
This language simply means anything that is considered physical contact like holding hands and hugs.
5. Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation might be effective if we address it to something that our loved ones love doing it.
For example, you compliment your mom’s flowers in the garden and say,
“Wow, the flowers are blooming and lovely. You must have been taking care of it nicely.”
You might inquire, “Can I rely on this idea since it came up from one’s experience and not from scientific research?”
There are studies trying to prove the validity of this idea. One of them discusses the correlation between mismatched love language and satisfaction in heterosexual romantic relationship
The result shows that there is a negative correlation between the two variables. This means the more mismatch in the love language, the less satisfied they are in their relationship. The same goes for the otherwise.
So what can we learn from that?
We can learn The 5 Love Languages to comprehend our loved ones’ needs. By comprehending them, we can learn how to show empathy, we can set aside our self-centered needs.
Let us to not only take this idea for fun but also apply it in real life and build a better relationship.
Intended to take the quiz? Check out 5lovelanguages.com
References:
Egbert, N., & Polk, D. (2006). Speaking the language of relational maintenance: A validity test of chapman’s (1992) five love languages. Communication Research Reports, 23(1), 19–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/17464090500535822
Evans, O. G. (2022, November 3). Simply psychology. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/five-love-languages.html
Is there science behind the five love languages? (n.d.). Greater Good. Retrieved August 23, 2023, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_there_science_behind_the_five_love_languages
Mostova, O., Stolarski, M., & Matthews, G. (2022). I love the way you love me: Responding to partner’s love language preferences boosts satisfaction in romantic heterosexual couples. PLOS ONE, 17(6), e0269429. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0269429
Talkshow “Speak Your Child’s Love Language” via Focus on the Family https://youtu.be/qQObySDHY1A?si=A7VpONLskOdGeXGz
