we need to talk about daddy issues

i am talking to those who dont consider themselves as having daddy issues

i want to start this dialogue or maybe just put the word out there that is thing exists and we need to shine light on it not to shame our daddies and ourselves but to realise we can heal this

and we are not as messed up or bad as we think we are

or what we have been conditioned to believe this part of our behaviour is


to the parents of adults in 2017

yes the rest of the world talks about this issue, no we cannot just brush this aside, yes we are doing the work for you, you might thank us one day, or you dont have to

just let this happen

daddy issues

i am not demonizing my parent, i’ve passed that haha

i am discerning the unconscious parts of them that do not have to be passed down and considered as true knowledge

truth will be passed down untainted and is timeless


i used to wonder why some girls are more flirty or more ‘comfortble’ with being girly with boys

im speaking like how i use to speak and would like to show the difference between divided thinking and united thinking

i used to be like girls should only talk to girls

boys should only talk to boys

you are only allowed to hang out with the same gender

hence no issue

no haram

let me stop you right there

i used to think exactly the same way, but i want to stop you right there

remember how a muslim is a mirror to another muslim?

how what you see in others is a reflection of what you see in yourself


ok this might hurt

but truth makes you miserable at first and frees you in the end

the truth is the thing you see in the flirty girl, is actually a rejected part of YOU

the true nature of fitra of a woman IS to be girly. it is in fact womanly

that person has not rejected that part of herself whereas YOU have or had

we have accepted that it is bad to be girly in front of men for fear it is attractive or immodest

betul tak?

when actually, this person who is now a good friend of mine, was only talking to the person

humans, nature, we evolve, we learn and we course correct

i have realised that the ‘rules’ we have made for the ummah HAS to be course corrected every time

maybe in the past it is better to separate, now in the free-mixing world WE NEED TO COURSE CORRECT and have true awareness of Allah everytime

i use to think it was because of her daddy issues

because this person, her parents divorced as i, so ignorantly (YES THIS IS IGNORANT WAY MY FRIEND) concluded it was because of her daddy issues that she is ‘desperate ‘ for male attention

if she knew i thought of her this way before she might unfriend me now

but really that was what i thought

now, i realised that i MYSELF have daddy issues even if my parents stayed together and ‘religious’ or ‘spiritual’

my experience was although my father is a hardworking man and occasionally talks to us and teaches us how to pray, my needs as a daughter are still not met

its true that the father cannot give EVERYTHING, but the father needs to allow the girl TO BE A GIRL

and not shame her for being a girl

what im saying is, JUST SAYING she is sensitive

we all know what it means

the comment was from an annoyed space

so the kid absorbs it as the vibration

i cant be sensitive (infornt of men) else they will make fun of me

i cant be sensitive i must be strong

i cant cry men dont like it

things like that


im saying this from a relieved place

girls, who are thinking like the old me

who would think why is that hijabi so flirty

hey, she is a mirror,our mirror

you thinkshe has daddy issues? guess what you have them too else you wouldnt be able to detect that despite learning about them in class

you think she is flirty? thats because you have that tendency in you too


we are women, we need to be this way

we be this way FOR US

why i say for us because,

it is only when we know ourselves do we know Allah


we are women, we need to be women in fitra way

this is a big part to OUR solution to the equation

and by realising, you are not that different from that girl, your heart opens a space, a stillness to let the light through

its scary to be girly, i know

because we were taught not to be that way

we have to reteach ourselves

and that sucks

so parents, if your daugther is sleeping around, its cause she doesnt have a healthy aunthentic bond with the father

if the girl, is harsh on her sisters, its because you are harsh to her mother

she saw that her mother way being this certain way, and she saw it in her sister

of course kids follow their parents, or care giver

so the sister who realises that oh she got scolded for being this way, so i will shut that part in me and if i see others doing it, it is wrong

later we want to ‘advise our sister’


i wont say never advise your sister

im saying is, we have distorted lenses and its not your fault and NOT entirely your daddy’s fault

he prob got the same upbringing

its sad reality

but know that many things can be resurrected

back to fitra!

course correct

we are humans

we are nature

we need each other

i am not saying now you can talk to everyone! no, you have no idea how to do it healthily.. not everyone knows how to do it healthily. observe and learn

try just observing your friend

it is definitely uncomfortable

there is a gap in practice

so realise that you are a baby at this

and being serious, or just making a wall sometimes

i did that, i literally made like a mental wall like i am not a girl to be flirty with

which is what some of us are taught to do

maybe applicable to some instances

but if done everytime, everyday, we will deviate from our original nature

and we will think, its just the way that i am

no. it is what you have conditioned yourself to be.

and its fixable, no worries

but chim ah, but fixable


if the daddy doesnt talk to the girl alot, she will think a boyfriend who doesnt to talk to her alot is ‘nice’

the girl will reason, she he has alot on his mind

the girl will think, he is manly this way

because her daddy was this way and SHE WILL NEVER THINK BADLY OF HER DADDY

we can’t

we dont think its right

well im telling you girls, its ok to discern

not fully demonize, just realise that this part i must acknowledge in truth, that part sucks. WE MUST. this is for the sake of our future and our kids future

and we have the right to say it hurts us

because we are humans, our parents are humans

they might do some parts really well, some parts not well at all

its also important to process what happened to us properly

so we can see reality properly

im telling you this is important because our relationship with Allah is at stake if we dont hold the truth (im not saying cursing everything that is wrong)

the general thought process: we dont acknowledge that we are hurt

thought process: you hurt me> i feel hurt > its ok, i forgive you cause you are human and i still need this to be met

parents, this will save your kids from getting the real boy who needs therapy

your kid sayang you leh, they believe everything you say leh, improve yourself for them

you marah her mum, she marah herself

you didnt know, now you know

jiayo, you can fix it

course correct

i depend on others to refine this message not abuse it ah