where to begin

its like what my friend said, looking for a job is like looking for your identity. You scroll down and you feel anxious to ‘just apply’. questions like what if i do get hired, what if i dont like it, what if i waste time on this..i question why would these questions arise if this is what you are meant to do? it means its not. doesn’t it?.

i have a dream and i believe i can and will at the same time, really want to achieve it. i dont know where to begin though. i think about furthering my education in the field i want to pursue in. but sometimes i think i should just write a blog. a blog can ease my mind for a bit because not having anything to do the whole day, my mind (just mine, not in general) starts pouncing on to do activities. impulsive compulsive. i know i should give it time, but my patience just diminishes with human interactions. habits from place of origin really is strong and deep. i ‘should’ be able to be above it, but i cannot see clearly. maybe i chose not to focus because i am so used to it. if i cannot apply what i want to teach at home, how am i going to convince others to do what i hope they could do. maybe i cannot move forward because my mind attaches itself to finishing this job first before going on to the next one. not to complete the job but at least hit certain milestones. i really want to do what i want to do. i am just waiting for replies and keeping afloat while waiting. hoping to nurture my relationships while at it.

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