Navigating Feminism in a Post-Trans World
Let me start off by saying I’m addicted to TV. No, not the mindless labyrinth of pregnant teenagers and dancing politicians on the major networks, but the amazing content that streams into pop consciousness thanks to the collaboration of talented indie creators and the corporate heads of alternative media with the foresight to buy up their stories, unadulterated. Although I don’t do weed, I do good content, thus my foray into the world of HBO’s High Maintenance.
Short and striking, each vignette allows the viewer into the homes of the average New Yorker, and while many issues are presented, almost none are reconciled, which is the basis of the show’s brilliance; by offering all of the questions with none of the answers, the viewer is left with the task of figuring it out, i.e., mankind’s eternal question: “What’s it all about?” Well, as in life, it’s about whatever you say it’s about.
Then I got to episode 13, “Rachel,” the one that won the show’s writing/directing/producing super couple Katja Blichfeld and Ben Sinclair a WGA award for Short Form New Media (well deserved). Described as “A stay-at-home dad with writer’s block procrastinates by calling The Guy,” and with the stated intent being to present a non-judgmental outlook of alternative lifestyles as just part and parcel of modern life as we know it, it did bring up some interesting questions: namely, what are the roles of women in a post-trans world? And is Feminism being hijacked by men in dresses?
Recap: Colin, a writer and stay-at-home dad, spends his days zoning out on weed and cross dressing to alleviate the “soul-crushing emasculation” of having to reverse roles with his career-driven wife. His weed delivery man — known as “The Guy” in this series — makes a drop off and instead of removing his lady garb, Colin invites The Guy in while he’s still posing in full drag. This is the part when The Guy offers the truest statement in the entire episode:
“I can’t pretend you’re not wearing a dress.”
Right. Because just pretending that it’s not happening would be ludicrous, and pointing it out is not tantamount to homo or trans-phobia. It’s just pointing it out.
During their conversation, Colin assumes that The Guy is married, to which The Guy responds that the wedding band he wears is merely a prop to inspire trust in his clients; Colin mocks this, to which The Guy retorts by asking Colin if his wife knows he cross dresses, and really, aren’t they both just pretending? There is an awkward pause.
Eventually, Colin’s wife unexpectedly comes home and catches Colin in the act, causing Colin to freak out, because apparently, no, she didn’t know about his alter ego at all. And yet, when they’re having a discussion later that night about his failure to pick up their sick son from daycare in the afternoon, Colin’s wife doesn’t address the cross dressing at all, other than to say she’s proud of him for staying in drag when their weed delivery guy come a’callin’.
Pause here.
Ok, so, let me get this straight (pardon the pun): Woman comes home in the middle of the day and catches her husband dressed in heels, a dress, and a feathered headpiece, and all she’s got to say is, “I’m proud of you”? Bitch, please. You must be high.
This short exchange, however, reveals the societal expectations placed on women — feminists in particular — in our post-trans world. The only acceptable response to cross-dressing men or transwomen is full acceptance and full inclusion into our gender, no questions asked. Colin’s wife (and women in general) accepts her cross dressing husband because otherwise — the patriarchy attests — wouldn’t she be, in effect, rejecting her own femininity? Wouldn’t finding this trait reprehensible in her husband, reveal a level of self-loathing, i.e., she hates being a woman and therefore hates him dressing like one? There can be no other acceptable answer to a patriarchy which continues to define the rules for us, even as it slips on our heels.
This won’t be popular, but it must be said: Last year, Glamour Magazine crowned Caitlyn Jenner — at the time, a cross-dressing man — the title of “Woman of the Year,” ignoring the contributions of scores of more deserving women in favor of staking a political claim for men. And yet, where were the feminist voices challenging this disregard?
These seem to be the new rules, ladies; take note. Men still call the shots and we must accept it, because a failure to comply will only serve to garner women yet another unsavory label. If men cannot gain our acceptance voluntarily, they will demand it; failing that, they’ll simply crown each other “Woman of the Year,” flagrantly challenging us to contradict it without incurring major backlash. The question is, why are we falling for it?
Notice that men do not adhere to the same rules they impose on us; while men might patronize transmen and tolerate them (albeit with a wink and a snicker), they rarely if ever allow them true membership into “manhood.” No one criticizes men for this attitude; it’s considered normal for men to defend their position and identity. Women, on the other hand, aren’t allowed the same leeway. By limiting our claim to gender, the patriarchy makes yet another attempt to control the narrative. And they’re succeeding.
I appreciate the efforts of other feminists, such as Lena Dunham, that take the time and use their platform to shed light on the trans community and its plight (although honestly Lena, Mikki Blanco? Can you at least feature people that have any real talent?); I have no issues with the trans community nor do I protest the right of the trans community to define itself. But it’s becoming increasingly clear that “cis gendered” women aren’t extended that same privilege.
As a feminist, yeah, I have a problem with that.
September 14, 2016
