Are you creating a workplace where people get to treat you badly?
If you get fired on the same day that a plane falls out of the sky, is this a phenomenon of terrible chance, or a moment in your destiny that you could never have escaped from?
If we use the theory of causality to explain away this unhappy sequence of events, then we can confidently say the relationship between these two variables (a plane crash and being fired) is very likely non-existent.
Now let’s look at an example where the theory of causality does uncover a relationship between cause and effect.
If a child slaps you, and you react to the child by slapping them back, there is a causal relation; in that, the physical treatment you have received perpetuates a similar reaction, and is likely to happen again as a result of your reaction.
In other words; the nature of the interactions you have with people in your life create a pattern of behaviour that either allows a descent into disrespect or encourages people to foster a shift in their communication style.
Honing in on the workplace; we can all adopt and benefit from psychological techniques within the office in order to accomplish our own behavioural reformation.
As a starting point for your own personal growth, check out the below statements and identify if they hold truth within your current environment:
1) When people talk to me with disrespect, I respond with disrespect.
Your personal beliefs conform to your personal reality: if your reaction is negative, you are a part of the problem. You are the author of the physical reality you occupy, and it is your job to nurture this space. Half of the power you hold within a bad workplace comes from what you don’t do, and what you don’t allow yourself to be pulled into.
2) When people speak to me disrespectfully I respond kindly. I don’t like conflict so I would rather back down.
Your kindness is permission for abuse to escalate and continue: if your reaction to negativity is positive and accommodating, you are providing a verbal signal that reinforces the other person’s bad behaviour. When dealing with difficult people, you need to completely remove your emotions from the situation.
Being nice to a bad person is still an emotional response because we are navigating anger on eggshells. Overtime, this will become exhausting.
3) I don’t escalate workplace problems to management because nothing will change.
Your avoidance of conflict will not make it disappear: worse, it will likely continue and fester beneath the surface of the relationships you are expected to maintain within your role. Pamela Wigglesworth provides five great steps for how good HR can support your complaint.
When you recognise bad behaviour and publicly challenge bullying, your actions affirm your stance and ensure that all parties are made respectfully aware of your feelings.
Note that in all workplace environments, it is your right to be heard, listened to and respected for your feelings. If you do not feel that these basic rights are being honoured, then always make a choice to take action.
Check-in with yourself on a regular basis and practice self-awareness. For example, if someone at work has made a hurtful personal statement about you, then voice your feelings with someone who you can trust, and see how they react to it. Do they agree? Does what the colleague has said hold any value? Are you going to allow their negativity to become your truth?
We can activate a change in our circumstances by creating a space for emotional communion to exist. Find a forum where you can practice intimate sharing when you feel disconnected from people at work, and if you can’t recover your happiness within that forum, then consider the idea of walking away completely.
Remember: the only person you can control or change in any situation is you.
Are you experiencing workplace bullying or want to move on from your current job but do not know how? Book a free consultation on www.nadiadalbani.com or drop me a message.
Coaching is completely confidential and offers a safe space for people who want to own their life and make lasting positive changes.