Fights can make or break your relationship.
Psychological researcher John Gottman — who has been studying relationships for over 40 years — came up with something he dubs as ‘The Four Horseman of Apocalypse’ through his extensive research. Sounds real gloomy I know, because according to him, these are the four communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship.
These four styles come up the most when you’re emotionally charged, such as when you’re fighting or arguing with your partner.
Here is The Four Horseman:
Criticism happens when you state a problem as a character flaw that your partner has. …
Recently I was binge-watching Prison Break on Netflix, (this show came out 15 years ago but spoiler alert, I guess?) and something one of the characters said got me thinking:
“We are captives of our own identity, living in prisons of our own creation.”
Theodore “T-bag” Bagwell, Prison Break
T-bag is one of the main characters and generally classified as a villain on the show. In earlier seasons, he was in prison because he was a murderer, rapist and a paedophile. …
“I’ve gained 2kg, now everyone will think I’m fat!”
“I failed this test. I must be stupid.”
“My boss gave me a good performance review, he must have just felt sorry for me.”
Have you ever had thoughts like these? Well, you’re not alone. It can be pretty common to have such thoughts pop up throughout our day. The fact that they’re subtle is what makes them dangerous.
Distorted thinking, or cognitive distortions, are known as irrational thoughts and beliefs which causes someone to have a distorted view of reality — often making it seem more negative than it is.
In these trying times, all of us have indulged in our favorite pastimes a little more than we used to. We’re binge-watching Netflix shows in a day, playing more video games, and eating mac and cheese five days in a row. When we’re stuck at home — some of us away from family and friends — these are some things that we turn to for comfort.
However, indulging in these activities sometimes makes us feel guilty. I know I did. But I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to. In fact, that’s what science is telling you too.
A recent study (cleverly titled From “love actually” to love, actually: The sociometer takes every kind of fuel) compared the effectiveness of traditional ways to fulfill one’s social needs (e.g. spending time with family or romantic partner) versus non- traditional ways (e.g. listening to music, playing video games) of fulfilling social needs. …
You are what you eat. When we eat, we often think of what effect the food has on our physical body. However, food is not just for the body, it’s for the mind too.
Research has shown that what we eat affects our mental health, playing a role in depression, stress and anxiety. Generally, a diet comprising of fruits and vegetables, fish and whole grains was linked to lower risk of depression.
Here are some foods you should eat to help you maintain better mental health:
Salmon is one of the best sources of omega-3, including docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) — which plays an important role in neurocognitive functioning. People who eat more fish such as salmon are found to have a lower risk of depression and dementia. …
Gratitude has been found to have many benefits, the main one being that it is strongly linked to happiness. Also, it helps us connect with others, overcome difficult situations and appreciate our life. It’s definitely something we can all use more of right now.
Here are some simple evidence-based exercises you can try to cultivate some gratitude:
One of the most simple and popular gratitude exercises, this exercise is known as “counting blessings” or gratitude journaling, where you write down 5 things you are grateful for every day or every week.
A study found that regularly counting your blessings was associated with better moods, better sleep, more time spent exercising and even a higher motivation to help others. It is worth noting that the key is being consistent, as doing this exercise only once may only have a weak and non-lasting impact. …
A recent study now supports the popular notion that if your wife is happy, your life will be happy. Actually, it goes the same way for husbands too.
According to researchers from Michigan State University and Harvard, having an optimistic spouse or partner helps in healthier aging for yourself — by reducing risk factors related to Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or general cognitive decline.
They followed 4500 couples over a span of 8 years, and found that there is a “potential link between being married to an optimistic person and preventing the onset of cognitive decline, thanks to a healthier environment at home.” …
You’ve done your research, you’ve been eating healthier, you’ve been exercising more and you’ve successfully lost those pounds. Congratulations! But just when you’re about to celebrate, you realize you have to keep up with the hard work to maintain the weight loss.
Losing weight is hard, keeping it off is harder.
Research has shown that maintaining weight loss in the long term is difficult and regaining weight is the norm, with over 50% of the lost weight being regained within two years.
Is losing weight just a futile effort? Not if you carry out sustainable lifestyle changes. …
Imagine you’re minutes away from the most stressful moment of your life. You’ve let your friends and family know about it, expecting some encouragement and sure enough, each one has a nugget of advice.
Some say the stress is good, it fuels you. Others say you’ve got to chill out or you’re gonna do badly. Before you know it all the different voices are in your head; now your brain is all jumbled up thoughts and you don’t even know what to think anymore.
Well, what are you going to think?
Because what you think at that moment does make a difference. It gets you in a certain mindset and mindset is a powerful thing. It is shaped by your beliefs and affects your “expectations, attributions, and goals”. …
It can help reignite the burning, passionate love you once had for your long-term partner.
Recently, while browsing through YouTube, I came across an old song I used to play on repeat — Fresh Eyes by Andy Grammer. The lyrics went a little like this:
I got these fresh eyes, never seen you before like this
My God, you’re beautiful
It’s like the first time when we open the door
Before we got used to usual
It might seem superficial, stereotypical, man
You dress up just a little and I’m like, “Oh, damn”
So suddenly I’m in love with a stranger
I can’t believe that she’s mine
Now all I see is you with fresh eyes, fresh…