The Mother Wound: an introduction for the curious modern day mystic

When I first heard about the Mother Wound, I instantly got chills and a slight feeling of overwhelm.

I remember I was reading a post by Sheleana Aiyana (founder of Rising Woman) and she mentioned this thing called “The Mother Wound”. As I was reading about it (roughly two years ago), I remember feeling so intrigued, unsure why at the time, that I read deeper, and deeper into it, piecing together one thing after the next. Fast forward two years and I had not only read about it, I had started to heal through my own Mother Wound as well.

It’s allowed me to be more conscious and present in my relationship. It’s allowed me to be more open with my truth’s and use my voice unapologetically. It’s allowed me to feel a closer bond to my own mother. And, it’s transformed the way I’m able to shift from a lack mindset to an abundance mindset.

It was one of the most humbling, eye-opening and transformative forms of healing I had ever come across, and I have since helped many of my own clients through this form of healing too! But, if you’re new to this whole Mother Wound idea, then let’s break it down and find out what it’s all about!

What is the Mother Wound?

The Mother Wound is the set of beliefs and patterns that are passed down through generations of women in patriarchal cultures. It includes the pains and trauma of being a woman, and the dysfunctional coping mechanisms that are used to process these pains.

The Mother Wound is also between the Mother-Daughter dynamic relationship — however, if left unhealed as a Mother, wounds and patterning can also be passed through to sons, and beliefs around the Mother Wound can be carried through men, too!

How does it “show up” in my life?

The Mother Wound is inconspicuous at times, and if you’re not fully conscious and aware that it exists, or what it can show up in life as, then you may find yourself walking through life carrying this wound without any knowledge at all!

It can show up as:

• Unconsciously waiting for your mother’s approval or permission
• Resentment and bitterness at your own children (more so towards daughters)
• Unrealistic expectations in a relationship and feeling relentlessly needy
• Feeling unsafe to take up space and express yourself, and instead wanting to play small
• Weak boundaries, an unclear sense of self, and/or feelings of low self-worth
• Inability to practice foundational self-care and ask for and receive support from others
• Allowing and accepting poor or abusive treatment from others (at times, you may even feel as though it’s “normal” to be treated poorly!)
• Never feeling good enough no matter what you seem to do
• Other learned coping mechanisms related to fear of experiencing gender-based violence or hatred
• Feeling pressure to adhere to strict expectations of womanhood
• Caretaking others to the point of resentment and exhaustion — often seen in relationships where the woman will take on a “Mother” role in the relationship, rather than the “Lover” role.
• Never actualizing your full potential in case it threatens others — again, PLAYING SMALL.
• Never actualizing your full potential out of fear of failure or disapproval
• Persistent, vague sense that there’s something shameful and wrong with you — this can also lead to a feeling of disconnect from your feminine essence, sensuality and sexuality
• Feeling pressured to live out the unlived dreams of your mother, even if it means not being true to yourself (often as a way to make your mother “proud” even if you don’t have a great connection with her).

These are just a handful of ways that the Mother Wound may show up for you.

In adult women, it’s very common now to see this in romantic relationships where the woman will take on the role of the Mother, rather than the Lover. Taking on the role of the Mother can look like; doing more than you need for your partner (i.e. always cleaning up after them, cooking every meal for them, making lunches, trying to help solve all their problems or giving advice when they didn’t ask, or trying to always give your energy and time to them because you fear that they won’t love, approve or “need” you). More on this in another article!

What happens if you don’t heal the Mother Wound?

When we leave the Mother Wound unhealed, we create one of two things:

1. An unhealthy relationship with ourselves, our mothers and our future daughters/daughter figures — when we leave anything unhealed (Mother Wound or otherwise) we allow the opportunity of carrying unhealed pain and trauma through our own energy and passing it on to others.
2. Unhealthy patterns, beliefs and behaviours that cause us to not live life to our fullest potential — and thus leaving us in living in the pain-body, and reconfirming our subconscious that this is, in fact, how we wish to live our lives.

Not only that, we also pay the personal cost of not healing these, which are:

• A constant feeling of “there’s something wrong with me”
• Denying that you are destined, and have the potential, for more
• Struggle with setting boundaries
• Being unclear of of who you are as a being
• Not feeling worthy of your dreams
• Making yourself seem smaller, so you’re not looking as though you’re taking up more space than you should be
• Staying quiet and not speaking your truth, beliefs and values
• Feeling as though you’re always rocking the boat or going against the grain
• Self-sabotaging yourself in unconscious ways

How can you start to heal your own Mother Wound?

No shit, when I first heard about the Mother Wound, I thought that the only way to heal it was to have a full hour long intensive deep-dive with my own mother talking about everything about my childhood, how she raised me and what trauma she had been through herself (everyone goes through some degree of trauma in life — it’s like the human initiation, so no one is truly trauma-free!).

I put off doing the ACTUAL work for a few months because I didn’t actually know how. But here is how I learnt to heal (and continue healing) my own Mother Wound and how you can too!

• Work with a coach or healer who integrates Mother Wound (and Inner Child Wound) healing modalities into their practice and sessions. When I first started healing my Mother Wound, I actually invested with Sheleana and worked through my Mother Wounds through her. If you’re wanting to go deeper into this, and you’re truly committed to begin your healing journey for your own Mother Wound, then send me a message here and I can help you start this process — if you’re wanting to cut out the guess work!
• Start noting down where the Mother Wound shows up for you in your own life! Take the list above and make a checklist of what shows up for you and where it shows up for you. Awareness precedes change — and until you bring awareness to your own darkness, the light will stay out forever. Shine that light on your darkness, Queen!
• Have a think about your own relationship you have/had with your own mother (or mother figures). What beliefs did they show you energetically? What patterns or behaviours did they show to you that you’ve unconsciously adopted into your own life now? Again — bring that awareness to the surface!

And again, send me a message if you’d like to learn how to start breaking down these wounds, and healing through them, so you, and your mother, and your daughters of the future can begin to bring more power back into the world!

2022 is the year of the feminine — it’s the year you start walking through the doors you were too afraid to walk through last year!

I’d love to know what resonated with you on this — and whether your own wounds are starting to show.

With kindness,

Nadine