Building resilience requires challenges
When I first presented this collaboration postcard to teams I work with, a first reaction often was «there are problems no one really wants, like war, famine, poverty and sickness. Those are not the problems you mean, right?»
Well, of course I do not wish anyone horrible problems that threaten their lives. That would be cynical. On the other hand, I think life is sometimes presenting us with challenges and hardship we of course would never wish for, but if we do get through them, we are stronger afterwards. And yes, there are also truly unsurmountable problems, life threatening situations and tragedies, and those are certainly not the problems I am talking about here.
The trouble is rather that many of us have come to expect an almost problem free life, trouble free work and trouble free relationships. But all of those things are never problem free, and if we can see these problems as challenges that will help us grow as individuals or groups, then those are truly good problems.
«Human communication, even on a good day, is horrible»
(Stan Tatkin in his TED Talk «Relationships are hard»)
As a parent, I have never quite understood fellow parents who try to make things as easy as possible for their kids. When children are presented with challenges and problems, they can develop skills to solve them and resilience and grit when the problems don’t just vanish or are taken away by a teacher or parent. Also, the pride at having solved a problem yourself is much greater than if someone else has done it for you.
You will learn and remember how to approach a problem when a new one comes along.
Again, I am not talking about children facing horrible circumstances like the loss of a loved one, abuse or threatening living conditions. To solve challenges, first we need a stable system in which we feel secure, attached and unthreatened. But if this is the case, having problems really IS something great. Being able to solve challenges and addressing issues is a positive thing.
In teams or groups, solving problems and dealing with stressful situations strengthens the bond in the team. It shows us what each person on the team is capable of if the going gets tough. It also shows us how we all behave when we are nearing the limits of our strength. It brings to the surface our very best sides and our very worst sides. And for all team members it is important to know both the strengths and weaknesses of the other team members. If we are aware of them, we can create a balance, buffering the weaknesses of others and take real advantage of the strengths.
In complex projects and environments we do not need to wait long for the first problem to present itself. And the better we are at having good conversations, the better we are at asking the right questions, the better we are at slicing the big monstrous elephant into small pieces, and the more we trust each other, the better we will be able to address these problems. In fact, problems will teach us how to learn these things faster. We will increase or capacity to deal with stress, with tough decisions, with time pressure, personal issues and much more if we are forced to solve challenges together.
Yes, it’s really great to have problems! :-)
