tsunamis / earthquakes / hurricanes / and other things | a poem
the worst part of a tsunami, or an earthquake, or a hurricane, is not the moment it strikes. the worst part is what comes after the hit- when lives are lost and buildings are wrecked and suddenly nothing you know makes sense.
you were my tsunami. my earthquake. my deadliest hurricane.
and just as tsunamis are enigmatic, earthquakes — dangerous, and hurricanes — lethal, you were all three…combined.
it was as if you pulled me into the middle of the ocean, or the eye of the hurricane when you arrived. i was drowning in the Moment so gleefully and willingly; heeding all DANGER signs and “PLEASE EVACUATE” messages. i never stopped to think it’d hurt me; that playing with fire would eventually burn me…even if it seemed safe and harmless.
and just like the Great Moment of Impact, which appeared out of nowhere, you left the same way you came.
no warning, no explanation. not even the slightest bit of careful hesitation or closure.
yet to this day, your memory still haunts me like a strong hand stretching out at the back of my head, dragging me out of my temporary recovery and pulling me back into the tight clutch of the memory of your tsunami. your earthquake. your hurricane.
your name burns at the back of my throat and a small voice chants, gradually increasing in its volume: “IT’S YOUR FAULT IT’S YOUR FAULT IT’S YOUR FAULT” — because i caused the tsunami. not you. all the earthquakes, hurricanes…it was all me. never you.
i let the Moment consume me; that’s why it’s my fault. yet if i had listened, if i had taken even the slightest glance at those glaring warning signs…i would’ve known.
you were, naturally, a disaster waiting to happen.
and i was your willing victim.
(written 12 december 2014)