The Sum Of Many Things
Things! Well, let’s get straight to them.
Sometimes you shift your stuff to different corners around your room or you walk all over your stuff where it carelessly lies or you even skip over your jumbled stack of things because you’re not yet ready to pack up. But a mess is disarray and sometimes this is crippling so that order remains undone when the hands are free and none of it is seen into even when the eyes stare. A brilliant man was delivering a lecture maybe a month ago. When brilliant people discuss the things their brilliance is attributable to it’s enchanting. He could have been listing the alphabets in reverse order and he still would have been a sensation to observe. I got lost in the sparkle then immediately got even more lost in my fear of macroeconomics and the I-am-not-going-to-make-it hoopla that goes along with it. I may have been in the process of conceptualizing an idea about dreams; that the things we dream to achieve are like carefree travelers. They move unsystematically from our hearts, to the back of our minds and possibly in front of our eyes with the passage of time and each day what lives is the incessant hope and work so that they become a physical form realization while we are still alive. Then he said “it’s all here, change begins here” pointing to his head and all together ripping me from the fear based narrative distracting me before a moment so good. He was not talking to me but he definitely swept up my mess.
It is the dark skinned lady who grabbed my hand without my permission, read my palm and told me things I was not ready to hear. It is the aggressive individual who barged into my space and told me “Naleli, you don’t run! You never run, you stand your ground.” It is my new neighbor who discusses the subliminal messages in Tolkien’s work with me in the early hours of the morning. It is my father and his new way of being, the way he leans over blatantly when weak relinquishing all undue expectations of being a pillar strength. It is also the way he ends our brief phone calls lately “e, u ts’oare joalo” he’ll say sending me unglued and reeling back to my realities because that was strangely what I needed to hear to become fortified. It is that young womanhood set in like a tornado spinning and tossing everything in its path; destroying, misplacing, creating pathways where there were obstacles, hurling out the old and setting plains for the sprout of the new. Young womanhood came in violently too like a merciless slayer an injurious windstorm and the dangerous bringer of my greatest teachings. It is all of this and the imprint left on the heart; it is the present moment willing me to live in it unbarred. The present moment is powerful to extents much too grand to hyperbolize, it is resourceful and when it calls, I heed.