How does a Breakdown feel like?
It was a January afternoon. I was working on a deadline when suddenly I felt an intense pain in my chest. I couldn’t move. My hands were cold and my vision got blurry. This was no less than a near-death experience for me. I managed myself to the kitchen counter and shoved down a glass of water. I could hardly stand. After a few minutes, my body seemed to get stable again. But the stream of tears was not ready to stop anyway.
I got back to my table and stayed silent for a while. My mind was working at a speed of 100km/h. It was navigating through every old neural pathway just to find the answers- what went wrong exactly. Why am I feeling like this? Where am I going wrong? How long I would stay distracted by my work? Why am I getting affected by the things that I shouldn’t? Am I going crazy? Am I not enough for him? Why can’t I move on? Am I a burden on my family and friends? Would I be able to figure out my life and feel that peace of mind again? Why am I stuck in this toxic loophole? Why is my coping mechanism not working? Should I cut myself and bleed to see even if I am alive anymore?? Blank………
I was emotionally devastated. My whole existence was in shambles. But still, I was not ready to accept the answers that were lying within myself. I was drowning myself in a hectic workload routine and rigorous deadlines. Because only that was in my control and brings me a trivial amount of happiness. But that all is a temporary solution. When you break down, you feel like on the verge of death. Nothing seems to be right anymore. You ask yourself how long would you hide this side of yours? A fake smile, being kind to others, and some badges wouldn’t compensate for that need of being understood and loved. A little ounce of affection can do wonders but sigh.
There are so many people around us who fight this battle of depression, insecurity, and anxiety every day. But they are afraid to open up. They do everything right to fit in. Maybe sometimes they seem overwhelming to you when they beg you for your attention and bother you with continuous texts. Because this is the time they are hurting the most. They are being vulnerable to you. Don't push them away. Otherwise, they will gravitate towards a hermit mode which ultimately leads to the death of their soul. And you may lose a great friend too. Be kind and save them.
