Reasons for Not Making Your Kids feel Guilty

Nancy Woodby
Mar 10, 2017 · 5 min read

The feeling of guilt may seem to help you in getting done with the things, however, if you use it to in your parenting style to make your children aware of something or inculcate certain kind of values, it would mean that it may prove harmful for you and the children in the long term. Therefore, it is important that you know about all the negative implications of using guilt to make things done or strengthen your bond with the children. For example, some of the parents would make their children feel guilty for having a ride on toys or playing in general to develop the interest in them for studies.

Manipulating Children

According to the experts, the parents have a lot to do with messing up the emotional imbalance in children. For instance, if you make them feel guilty about the leisure time or not studying, children tend to become anxious or they would start being hard on themselves. And the negative consequence of this is that they would struggle to take compliments in the later stages of life in addition to developing long terms relations with people in general.


Though it is considered good to encourage a strong sense of care and concern in children in addition to making them realize the significance of apologizing to one and other, however, if you overemphasize it, it may turn into a negative personality trait for your child. For example, if your children are empathetic towards other kids, it would make the process of making bonds easy, however, if it is done in more than the required quantity or if they develop the habit of apologizing for little things; it may annoy some of the kids or give some people the chance to manipulate it.

Sense of Confidence

Another disadvantage of stressing on the sense of guilt is that you are contributing in making your kid less confidence or critical of him or herself. This means that the more you make them feel guilty for not getting done with the dishes or homework, the more they will make space for doubting themselves in addition to taking away the confidence from them. In addition, making your child feel guilty may help you in making them aware of the immediate problem you intend to point out, however, in the long term; they may nurture negative emotions or tendencies in them.

Relationship with the Child

Your relationship with the child is probably one of the most significant parts of the raising a child. So, if you use guilt to make it stronger or to encourage the good traits in children at the cost of your relationship with them, it may create a strong sense of misunderstanding and distance between you and your child. Similarly, you are giving the children the chance to get closer to friends or other people in their lives by indirectly discouraging them or drawing a wedge between you and them. For instance, if you make them feel guilty for even expressing their feeling, they may take it a sign to not discuss or talk to parents about particular topics.

Anger Issues

Even though anger problems are not merely a side effect of making children feel guilty, however, if you suppress the levels of particular emotions in the children when they are young, it would create sense of deprivation and grievances for things and people and when the outlet is not given to children to vent the negative energy, they are likely to take out those emotions in the form of aggression or passive aggression. Moreover, if you don’t notice the signs or anger build up in the children, it may turn into things worse than this.

Becoming Authoritarian

Parenting is one of the hard jobs and if you don’t assess your parenting style or stress on certain traits without thinking about the consequences, it may mean that you are becoming authoritarian or taking advantage of your role in the lives of the children. And one of the negative things about becoming authoritarian is that you will need others to point it out to you because, in most of the cases, you cannot figure it out yourself. This is why if you are not letting children frankly talk to you; you may not be able to fix the flaws of your parenting styles.

Difficulty in Making Friends

When it comes to the social life of children, the role of making friends is quite important in making them feel comfortable and supported in the outside world and if you increase the sense of guilt in your children, they will probably grapple with making friends or reaching out to them. For example, if you have made them feel bad for disturbing you or interrupting you in the middle of a conversation or some assignment, they may get a completely different impression, which would be reflected in the relations they make or have with members other than your family. In this context, the problems of connecting with the friends or making stable emotional foundation will become frequent in the lifestyle of your child. In addition, if you play a role in alienating them, it may create a strong sense of drift between you and them.

In simple, it is good to introduce the children with sense of guilt to make them empathetic about others in addition to making them feel bad about things they are not supposed to do, however, If you make it a permanent part of your parenting strategy, it is likely to backfire in form of weak emotional base and driving the life choices. To name a few, anger and distance from you are the direct negative implications of over-relying on the guilt for getting things done. This is why it is crucial for parents to continuously review the parenting styles and focus less on using the negative emotions to get things done or force the children to do certain things, because guilt can foster those emotions in children which would define the adult lives of the children in the long run.