Changing scenery and the fear of staying
Things I’ve learned after leaving my hometown
This morning when I opened my Facebook page, I began scrolling a few miles down and it took me back to 2008, the year I decided something that shaped much of who I am today: a change of scenery.
For a number of reasons I decided to leave my hometown, Roca Sales, a small and cozy town of 10,000 inhabitants in Southern Brazil, and, amongst them, the most important was the fear of staying. I was always afraid of missing what life can offer. It sounds silly or cheesy, but it’s true. I was always afraid of being too comfortable with the situations or losing the ability to surprise myself. So, even still at Uni, studying advertising and working as an intern at a renowned Advertising agency, I decided to pause the course for a few months and go to Spain. I would keep on with studies in the future, but it was time to change. We always know when is time to shake things up.
I was afraid, I would work as a waiter in a restaurant in a country whose language was not the same as mine, I would not know anyone and the only contact I had was the hotel’s manager on my emails. Stranger in a strange world, I had little money and would work there to live and get to know the country and perhaps the countries around. I wanted a breath of fresh air, I wanted to speak Spanish, I was afraid and maybe wouldn’t want to come back. My only fear was not trying. I made an imaginary boarding pass on a notebook and put it in my wardrobe under my shirts and every morning I believed that soon it would become a real ticket. I had no money, but I had optimism and perseverance, and that can help a lot. After one year of positioning my mind towards my goal I had my real ticket in hands.
On my first adventure abroad I made friends who became closer and who keep in touch with still today. I learned from that homesickness that something was happening inside, was nourishing me. I was creating antibodies, I had to adapt to these new scenery and felt I was doing something right. I learned slowly to deal with my solitude and to be more patient. I never stopped loving my hometown, and I miss it every day, but my fear of staying there and the desire to know life through different perspectives also made me a stronger person.
I remember once my sister said to me that “people have different happinesses”, and it struck me. She was right. Also in a story on TV documentary about happiness, an old man, when asked what he considered happiness replied that it was biking every morning to the lake fishing while his pet duck followed all the way. And I confess that it took me a while to realize that there is no right or most important happiness, there are just different ones. Mine was to get the world, meeting people. Learning as many languages as needed, but not missing a single conversation at a table full of people from different countries.
My simple fear of staying made me live in other countries and sporadically returning to my hometown to see my family, and I found myself slowly moving from a local to a visitor. I did understand that even scared I needed to leave my comfort space, I needed to spend my money on experiences rather than goods, I wanted to talk about facts instead of people. I wanted to have stories to tell, wanted to be more interesting and knew that the thirst of meeting people and what I had in my mind would always guarantee a job. I learned to adapt more: if I needed to live on less in a house share with 9 people, I would live on less. If I needed to sleep a couple of hours less and work harder to thrive, I would sleep less. And if I needed to go back to homeland, family would be with arms wide open.
Today I dare to say I’ve found my place. I live in London it’s been four years and I am happy here, perhaps because it is a city that changes so much and surprises me on a daily basis — and that matches my restlessness. Eight years after leaving my town in the Taquari Valley, I could say that at any given moment, a change of scenery and meeting people can only do well. It allows us to see ourselves from outside, to surprise ourselves with our potential and fill the days with more intensity. I’m not saying it is the best thing to do, but in my case, it just felt right being that vulnerable.
