Patriarchy Unveiled: The Hilarious Truth Behind Why Matriarchy is the Real Myth

Naomi Lambert
3 min readJan 13, 2024

In the wild jungle of human history, where theories swing like vines and debates roar louder than lions, let’s journey into the comedic yet enlightening realm of patriarchy and matriarchy. Spoiler alert: Forget about the elusive matriarchy; we’re diving into the reasons why patriarchy claims the throne and laughs at the mere suggestion of its counterpart.

Let’s rewind the tape to prehistoric times, where cavemen and cavewomen roamed the Earth, trying to figure out who was in charge of the cave thermostat. Enter patriarchal caveman, Grunt, armed with a spear and a flair for mansplaining. Grunt claimed the role of the hunter-gatherer chief because, well, he had a pointy stick. Cavewomen, being the wise multitaskers they were, decided, “Sure, go hunt, but don’t forget to pick up the kids from the cave school.”

Fast forward to ancient civilisations, where patriarchy emerged as the headliner in the political amphitheater. Pharaohs, emperors, and kings adorned their heads with crowns and their egos with the title of “Supreme Ruler of All Things Important.” Meanwhile, the concept of a matriarchal queen wielding a scepter and ruling with a side-eye was as mythical as a unicorn sipping tea in Atlantis.

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Naomi Lambert

📝 Writer | ✨ Content Creator | 📖 Magazine Editor | 🌍 Global Social Enterprise Founder | 🤝 Charity Board Member | 🌈 Fertility Advocate I