Big Remorse

I believe, our heart can’t control whom it wants to love. But for us. It’s us, controlling who we wanna love.

Sometimes, in unpredicted time, we can fall in love with someone. Unless we just barely meet up or we already know each other.

There is a pulse in your heart to pump this feeling on. Just like you ride the roller coaster and you feel up and down constantly.

I have loved once to someone I didn’t expect to feel this way. We were different in some aspects we couldn’t change. I used to talk to everyone and treat them all as a good friend. But one day, to this person, I realized it grew something different. Inside of me.

She was so nice and so friendly. We had common hobbies. We had great conversation. We met up once when she visited my town. Until she trusted me to write her own story. One of her stories.

I wrote it and put it in my book (She knew and I sent her one). And since then, I promised to visit her city because I wanted to be there since I was a child.

We met up, we planned well, and then I messed up. Because my stiff and I never had this moment for a long time, I ruined everything. I messed that night up.

I admit that night is one of my big remorse.

I knew she tried to be seemed fine, but I could see didn’t feel right. And after then … not a good time to talk.

Maybe, it’s me, feeling it way too much. Maybe it’s me just feeling it like she wants to be with me.

Because I only could say sorry and that wasn’t enough to her; I live with this remorse.

But, I do understand, our difference won’t make us together. But, I have to take it; when my heart can’t control whom it wants to love and it’s my homework to find out, whom I will love.

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